this is may very well be the last blog of 05, and ever on this site.
I don't plan on writing in this anymore. This used to be a place for me to get it all out, but i've learned to go somewhere else with it, to someone who will always listen.
be good all.
this hero's hanging up his cape... and suit.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
A tough look back.
In June, i wrote this...
"The only thing keeping my sane,is the cross hanging in my doorframe, the journal I've kept while here, and my phone calls with a really great friend."
Today I wrote this...
"The only thing keeping me sane is my bible"
I want so badly to have a hug right now from someone... and its out of reach.
"The only thing keeping my sane,is the cross hanging in my doorframe, the journal I've kept while here, and my phone calls with a really great friend."
Today I wrote this...
"The only thing keeping me sane is my bible"
I want so badly to have a hug right now from someone... and its out of reach.
Monday, October 31, 2005
love is only found in dictionaries and cell phones
so i've been writing a bunch of lyrics. here's why...
my good friend Randy, who was my guitarist in my first band Harpers Failures, has recorded some postal service-type music, without vocals. So i've been writing new lyrics, The title of this post is an attempt at that. See below for new works...
they should make you emotion novocain, ‘cause there’s no vaccine for this kinda pain.
i could tell you loved me by the handshake on our first date
it's sunday and time for a broken heart, when all i wanted was brunch
my good friend Randy, who was my guitarist in my first band Harpers Failures, has recorded some postal service-type music, without vocals. So i've been writing new lyrics, The title of this post is an attempt at that. See below for new works...
they should make you emotion novocain, ‘cause there’s no vaccine for this kinda pain.
i could tell you loved me by the handshake on our first date
it's sunday and time for a broken heart, when all i wanted was brunch
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Amazing Song
Man. Sometimes it just kinda sucks... and sometime it turns out like this.
Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world
"Excuse me, sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"
She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"
She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose
"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my atttempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"
Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world
"Excuse me, sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"
She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"
She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose
"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my atttempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"
Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
Monday, October 17, 2005
review ? yes sir, may i have another.
Margo Veil: An Entertainment
By Len Jenkins
Directed by David Lee
UCF Black Box Theater, Orlando, FL
Somewhere between Surrealism and the Avant-Garde lies the story of Margo Veil (Sara Barnes), a young actress on the rise. Fleeing rural Iowa she makes New York and grabs the lead in a play that closes in a day. In some respects, this is a career, but the press is harsh and some people just don’t take that well. Her agent (Todd Davis) offers here a gig escorting a corpse back to the Midwest which solves two problems - it puts cash in hand, and gets her out of the big city. The trip goes well enough, although she descends into and increasingly nightmarish world and accidentally murders The fat Man in the Bad Suit (Davis again - he really nails the role) Fleeing the police, she picks up a boyfriend of sorts (Ben Hope), and spends the rest of the show jumping into different bodies in a weird machine stashed in a truck stop massage parlor. Sex and race matter not, but after awhile the itching becomes unbearable, and she returns to her original "shell", only slightly the worse for the journey.
And that's about as coherent as this gets. A mind boggling number of people flow on and off stage, all perfectly choreographed to a secret agenda controlled by director Lee. One is tempted to call the whole experience cubist, with shards of image glinting off the theater smoke and minimal stage surrounded by fun house mirrors and surmounted by a toy train. Margo seems swept along by events, never able to modulate them or explain what they mean or why she's embroiled in them. Dozens of current and dated cultural references fly by, aided by a helpful links page in the program. We don’t have internet access on stage, but I looked up ziggurats and obelisks and steno pool and found myself broadened. This singing is good (if a bit gospel), the timing sharp and crisp, and the whole event wonderfully cryptic, yet completely entertaining.
For more information on UCF Conservatory Theatre, visit www.theatre.ucf.edu
By Len Jenkins
Directed by David Lee
UCF Black Box Theater, Orlando, FL
Somewhere between Surrealism and the Avant-Garde lies the story of Margo Veil (Sara Barnes), a young actress on the rise. Fleeing rural Iowa she makes New York and grabs the lead in a play that closes in a day. In some respects, this is a career, but the press is harsh and some people just don’t take that well. Her agent (Todd Davis) offers here a gig escorting a corpse back to the Midwest which solves two problems - it puts cash in hand, and gets her out of the big city. The trip goes well enough, although she descends into and increasingly nightmarish world and accidentally murders The fat Man in the Bad Suit (Davis again - he really nails the role) Fleeing the police, she picks up a boyfriend of sorts (Ben Hope), and spends the rest of the show jumping into different bodies in a weird machine stashed in a truck stop massage parlor. Sex and race matter not, but after awhile the itching becomes unbearable, and she returns to her original "shell", only slightly the worse for the journey.
And that's about as coherent as this gets. A mind boggling number of people flow on and off stage, all perfectly choreographed to a secret agenda controlled by director Lee. One is tempted to call the whole experience cubist, with shards of image glinting off the theater smoke and minimal stage surrounded by fun house mirrors and surmounted by a toy train. Margo seems swept along by events, never able to modulate them or explain what they mean or why she's embroiled in them. Dozens of current and dated cultural references fly by, aided by a helpful links page in the program. We don’t have internet access on stage, but I looked up ziggurats and obelisks and steno pool and found myself broadened. This singing is good (if a bit gospel), the timing sharp and crisp, and the whole event wonderfully cryptic, yet completely entertaining.
For more information on UCF Conservatory Theatre, visit www.theatre.ucf.edu
cypher it, and see what happens..
words.
words can't even do this justice.
the feelings i experience.
envy, jealousy, disappointment.
i feel like the high tide of the ocean.
each day, the same routine.
in and out. in and out.
i bring change, and wash it away.
i need to embrace, but not sure what to.
i look at the things you say.
each word you speak slowly remains on me.
i want so badly to wipe them away.
but they linger longer than i want them to.
i wash them off, towel. repeat.
repeat.
constant cycle.
this time, i don't need to towel off anymore.
they're gone.
it's me left at the heart of it.
the core.
i feel like clark kent into a phonebooth, always emerging as someone else.
this time, i emerged as me.
words can't even do this justice.
the feelings i experience.
envy, jealousy, disappointment.
i feel like the high tide of the ocean.
each day, the same routine.
in and out. in and out.
i bring change, and wash it away.
i need to embrace, but not sure what to.
i look at the things you say.
each word you speak slowly remains on me.
i want so badly to wipe them away.
but they linger longer than i want them to.
i wash them off, towel. repeat.
repeat.
constant cycle.
this time, i don't need to towel off anymore.
they're gone.
it's me left at the heart of it.
the core.
i feel like clark kent into a phonebooth, always emerging as someone else.
this time, i emerged as me.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
it's been a long, long time...
sorry, i've been really busy.
here's something that'll make it worth while.
100 more honest things about me.
1- i fall in love faster than i drive
2- my life is seemingly ridiculous, but very real... someone knows what that means
3- at heart, i'm a kid who just wants to play.
4- my sister will soon be in remission, and onto radiation.
5- i miss my mom, and i hate that she struggles to allow me to dream.
6- i miss my sister, and its painful to see her so strong, and weak at the same time.
7- i don't tell my mom and sister i love them. enough.
8- I regret that its so hard for me to say that word love, even to family.
9- I wonder if theres anyone else like me out there ?
10- i'm a great boyfriend.
11- i'm a good friend.
12- ...but a horrible best friend.
13- i experience jealousy
14- i'm a better actor then people give me credit for.
15- i'm modest by nature.
16- i have a hard try accepting a compliement.
17- i would marry the girl that asks me to talk about nothing.
18- 18 is my lucky number, and it means more to me than people know.
19- i don't like when people judge me, before giving me a chance.
20- i don't know of anyone who does, but we do it.
21- i have broken my hearts then i'm probably aware of.
22- i've had my heart broken.
23- i've always wanted to play shortstop for the los angeles dodgers.
24- i want to find someone who knows what my schedule is like.
25- jerry maguire makes me cry.
26- while on stage yesterday (10-15) i broke down and started crying. my character requires emotion but i gave it my all.
27- writing another 100 of these, isn't that easy.
28- i'm addicted to the spill canvas cd.
29- self conclusion is an amazing song, and i dare you to prove me wrong.
30- i have never cheated on a gf.
31- i would never cheat on any girl.
32- my mom sent me an email the other day that brightened my day.
33- in the email she wrote " i'm proud of the man you've become"
34- sometimes an email can mean the world to someone,it did for me.
35- i have a photo of my mom, sis, and i that i look at all the time.
36- i've never been a fan of the beach, but recently i've wanted to escape to it.
37- i still have a fear of drowning... and i've realzied its not just in water.
38- i want to be remembered as someone important.
39- i don't think i want the responsiblity.
40- i need them though, or its meaningless.
41- i have intimate eyes, that i want someone else to recognize.
42- i'm such a hopeless romantic, that i want to see others happy.
43- i've had a long running joke, that if you can't take a girl to dennys, you cant take her home.
44- i tried it once, but she wouldnt go.
45- we never went out again.
46- i read my horoscope hoping it will make no sense at all.
47- everytime i read it, it does make sense. perfect sense.
48- i save everything of value.
49- meaningful value, not money.
50- i want my ride pimped by xzibit.
51- i want people to tell me i was in their dream.
52- i want to coach little league when i'm an adult.
53- i want to recieve a card that says worlds greatest dad, and for my family to mean it.
54- yes i know, i have a few years before i get anywhere close to that.
55- i'm very picky about who i date.
56- i don't have sex because i choose not to.
57- just because i'm a virgin, doesn't mean i'm dead.
58- if the above doesn't make sense, think a little bit harder.
59- no pun intended.
60- ambition is something i sweat.
61- i bleed pride.
62- i bite my lip all the time.
63- i use to speak before thinking.
64- after removing my foot from my mouth, i've changed that.
65- i hate olives.
66- i hate tomatoes.
67- i love brock-o-lee.
68- i've started a gang.
69- i've adapted this gang into a play.
70- the play is entitled, "scooters"
71- we're a good gang though, we save people.
72- we're kinda like crime fighters on scooters.
73- i would give $3.75 to be in a band again.
74- i've started writing acoustic music again.
75- it makes me smile knowning i'm being creative.
76- i could never have a practical career.
77- everyday i'm thankful, that i'm doing something i love. perform, theatre.
78- i'm more than thankful, i'm fortunate.
79- i miss the people i met in missouri.
80- the movie unbreakable is amazing.
81- i love based on a true story movies.
82- those are: Rudy, remember the titans, flicks like that.
83- the cartoon american dad, is too much of a knock off from family guy.
84- i play guitar when i'm down.
85- others tell me i'm something special, and i disagree.
86- i love the lyrics of fall out boy.
87- i buy cd's when i don't even have the money to buy food.
88- i value music as if it's the holy grail.
89- if it wasn't for music, it'd have gone crazy.
90- sarcasm is a gift, not something you learn.
91-i can't believe i'm almost done with another 100 things. i'm proud.
92- my dad has starting listening to death cab for cutie. i haven't decided if thats a good thing or not.
93- i'm so confident, that i think it sometimes pushes people away.
94- josh and tyler are family to me.
95- josh is the brother i've always wanted. tyler is the little sister i can protect.
96- i hang out with people older than me. not sure why, but i think it's got something to do with my being bald.
97- i don't spell check often, because i type what means something to me.
98- i want to be ok with my physicallity.
99-my next tattoo will say "always afraid but never emabarssed"
100- if you know nothing about me, know this. all you have to do is ask. .. so, when are you going to ask me ?
101- there. that's me.
here's something that'll make it worth while.
100 more honest things about me.
1- i fall in love faster than i drive
2- my life is seemingly ridiculous, but very real... someone knows what that means
3- at heart, i'm a kid who just wants to play.
4- my sister will soon be in remission, and onto radiation.
5- i miss my mom, and i hate that she struggles to allow me to dream.
6- i miss my sister, and its painful to see her so strong, and weak at the same time.
7- i don't tell my mom and sister i love them. enough.
8- I regret that its so hard for me to say that word love, even to family.
9- I wonder if theres anyone else like me out there ?
10- i'm a great boyfriend.
11- i'm a good friend.
12- ...but a horrible best friend.
13- i experience jealousy
14- i'm a better actor then people give me credit for.
15- i'm modest by nature.
16- i have a hard try accepting a compliement.
17- i would marry the girl that asks me to talk about nothing.
18- 18 is my lucky number, and it means more to me than people know.
19- i don't like when people judge me, before giving me a chance.
20- i don't know of anyone who does, but we do it.
21- i have broken my hearts then i'm probably aware of.
22- i've had my heart broken.
23- i've always wanted to play shortstop for the los angeles dodgers.
24- i want to find someone who knows what my schedule is like.
25- jerry maguire makes me cry.
26- while on stage yesterday (10-15) i broke down and started crying. my character requires emotion but i gave it my all.
27- writing another 100 of these, isn't that easy.
28- i'm addicted to the spill canvas cd.
29- self conclusion is an amazing song, and i dare you to prove me wrong.
30- i have never cheated on a gf.
31- i would never cheat on any girl.
32- my mom sent me an email the other day that brightened my day.
33- in the email she wrote " i'm proud of the man you've become"
34- sometimes an email can mean the world to someone,it did for me.
35- i have a photo of my mom, sis, and i that i look at all the time.
36- i've never been a fan of the beach, but recently i've wanted to escape to it.
37- i still have a fear of drowning... and i've realzied its not just in water.
38- i want to be remembered as someone important.
39- i don't think i want the responsiblity.
40- i need them though, or its meaningless.
41- i have intimate eyes, that i want someone else to recognize.
42- i'm such a hopeless romantic, that i want to see others happy.
43- i've had a long running joke, that if you can't take a girl to dennys, you cant take her home.
44- i tried it once, but she wouldnt go.
45- we never went out again.
46- i read my horoscope hoping it will make no sense at all.
47- everytime i read it, it does make sense. perfect sense.
48- i save everything of value.
49- meaningful value, not money.
50- i want my ride pimped by xzibit.
51- i want people to tell me i was in their dream.
52- i want to coach little league when i'm an adult.
53- i want to recieve a card that says worlds greatest dad, and for my family to mean it.
54- yes i know, i have a few years before i get anywhere close to that.
55- i'm very picky about who i date.
56- i don't have sex because i choose not to.
57- just because i'm a virgin, doesn't mean i'm dead.
58- if the above doesn't make sense, think a little bit harder.
59- no pun intended.
60- ambition is something i sweat.
61- i bleed pride.
62- i bite my lip all the time.
63- i use to speak before thinking.
64- after removing my foot from my mouth, i've changed that.
65- i hate olives.
66- i hate tomatoes.
67- i love brock-o-lee.
68- i've started a gang.
69- i've adapted this gang into a play.
70- the play is entitled, "scooters"
71- we're a good gang though, we save people.
72- we're kinda like crime fighters on scooters.
73- i would give $3.75 to be in a band again.
74- i've started writing acoustic music again.
75- it makes me smile knowning i'm being creative.
76- i could never have a practical career.
77- everyday i'm thankful, that i'm doing something i love. perform, theatre.
78- i'm more than thankful, i'm fortunate.
79- i miss the people i met in missouri.
80- the movie unbreakable is amazing.
81- i love based on a true story movies.
82- those are: Rudy, remember the titans, flicks like that.
83- the cartoon american dad, is too much of a knock off from family guy.
84- i play guitar when i'm down.
85- others tell me i'm something special, and i disagree.
86- i love the lyrics of fall out boy.
87- i buy cd's when i don't even have the money to buy food.
88- i value music as if it's the holy grail.
89- if it wasn't for music, it'd have gone crazy.
90- sarcasm is a gift, not something you learn.
91-i can't believe i'm almost done with another 100 things. i'm proud.
92- my dad has starting listening to death cab for cutie. i haven't decided if thats a good thing or not.
93- i'm so confident, that i think it sometimes pushes people away.
94- josh and tyler are family to me.
95- josh is the brother i've always wanted. tyler is the little sister i can protect.
96- i hang out with people older than me. not sure why, but i think it's got something to do with my being bald.
97- i don't spell check often, because i type what means something to me.
98- i want to be ok with my physicallity.
99-my next tattoo will say "always afraid but never emabarssed"
100- if you know nothing about me, know this. all you have to do is ask. .. so, when are you going to ask me ?
101- there. that's me.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Drumroll Please.... and now, the news
In no particular order...
-Moved out to a new apartment with Oscar and Kelly... Awesome.
-I got CAST in Margo Veil with a total of 10 characters to play, and it's being Directed by DAVID LEE! How Rad ?
-I have an amazing gf Samantha Brown, who is great to me, and is also cast in a show this semester, "as bees in honey drown" ... it's nice to date an actress.
-I got offered a job, which I accpeted to be a student leader/project head in the scene shop so that feels good to be needed.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while it's really hard to find the time to write when i have 1,000 things to do and this is 1,001.
Be good, and as always... smile.
-Moved out to a new apartment with Oscar and Kelly... Awesome.
-I got CAST in Margo Veil with a total of 10 characters to play, and it's being Directed by DAVID LEE! How Rad ?
-I have an amazing gf Samantha Brown, who is great to me, and is also cast in a show this semester, "as bees in honey drown" ... it's nice to date an actress.
-I got offered a job, which I accpeted to be a student leader/project head in the scene shop so that feels good to be needed.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while it's really hard to find the time to write when i have 1,000 things to do and this is 1,001.
Be good, and as always... smile.
Monday, July 25, 2005
I need a job... really really bad.
I need a job, and if anyone knows of somewhere thats hiring, or works someone that is short staffed, please let me know.
Thank You,
Todd.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
No News is Bad News
Just got back from the doctors, and my ear is healing alot better than he expected. He was surprised at how well I'm doing. Awesome. Sorry for the lack of interesting posts, but I'm trying ... More to come later.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Guess what time it is?
Oh YEAHHH!
It's my birfday!
*side note: I started to color this on my own in paint, but never took the time to finish*
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Is it time already?
22nd Birthday.
Monday Night.
8-ish
Cafe Tu Tu Tango.
Food and Drinks.
Please come out and have a goodtime. If I haven't seen you in a while and you get this... I'd love to see you there. be good all.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
100 Honest Things
1. My Full name is Todd Justin Davis
2. Those close to me call me TJ though.
3. I have a fear of drowning.
4. My sister has cancer and scares me to death.
5. I would take my sisters place any day, so that she wouldn't have to feel any pain.
6. I've always thought I was superman, and lately I've realized I'm not.
7. Ever since my trip to Missouri I've grown up alot.
8. I rarely drink beer. rarely.
9. I regret doing somethings when I was younger but I wouldn't take them back. They've made me.
10. I trust people easily, since I'm honest.
11. I've had trouble being myself in the past, but that no longer is a problem.
12. I do this thing called "premeditated stupidity"
13. I try to save people, but in-turn I need some assistance.
14. When I find a cologne I like, I stick with it.
15. I need change, but haven't had the inspiration to do it.
16. I listen to a few cd's on a regular basis.
17. I own alot of cd's... couple hundred or so.
18. I keep a select few cd's near by for immediate listening.
19. I can't stop listening to Relient K lately.
20. I love Death Cab for Cutie.
21. My first favorite band was Third Eye Blind.
22. I've been playing the guitar since I was a senior in high school.
23. I'm also a drummer, and according to my family I'm better at it than guitar.
24. I've been in four different bands.
25. I miss my first band that I formed called Harpers Failures.
26. I'm obsessed with the Back to the Future movies.
27. I own to crosses, both identical to each other.
28. I buy dupilcates of cd's I already have because I listen to them so much.
29. If I wasn't an Actor, I'd want to teach.
30. I look up to my mom more than anyone in the world.
31. I look to my dad, so I won't become what he has.
32. I have more ambition than most people will see in a lifetime.
33. I challenge myself so that I can fail.
34. I fail so I can learn.
35. I learn because I strive to be great.
36. I would give up my career to have a family.
37. Although my last name is Davis, I want to take my moms maiden name to make my poppy proud.
38. I hold some of my close friends in my heart, and some of my family I know nothing about.
39. My aunt and grandmother have no idea how old I am.
40. I have 2 tats.
41. One is a star that symbolizes imperfection.
42. The other is plain and simple... family.
43. I regret where I had the tats done at on my body, but i wouldn't ever remove them .
44. My favorite number is 18.
45. My softball jersey number is also 18.
46. My dad wears a necklace that I want, thats the hebrew symbol for life.
47. That symbol contains the number 18.
48. The 18th of July is my birthday.
49. I love white chocolate.
50. I don't like nuts.
51. I don't drink milk.
52. I don't like cheese.
53. I'm not lactose intolerant.
54. I was born 3 months premature.
55. I weighed 3 lbs. 5oz.
56. I've had surgery on my ears 8 times.
57. I fear that one day I'll be deaf.
58. I need a good cry.
59. It makes me sad that my mom is falling apart.
60. It makes me angry that all i can do is watch.
61. I've met someone who makes me smile.
62. She laughs when she finds something funny, not just because I tried to be.
63. I've worn my salvation braclet every since I was given it.
64. I say grace at meal quietly, because when it comes to religion I'm shy.
65. I've never been arrested.
66. I've never gotten a speeding ticket.
67. I was never suspended in high school.
68. I was suspended from riding the bus though. funny story.
69. I love to play darts.
70. I'm not very good at playing pool.
71. I like to know that people care.
72. I like recieving gifts, but i'd rather have time with people.. its priceless.
73. I shave my head almost everyday.
74. I fear that one day I'll let my family down... and that can't happen.
75. I write lyrics on a regualr basis.
76. I rarley write for me.
77. I write to make others feel better, and when i read it...I can't relate.
78. I'm a hopeless romantic.
79. I'm Todd first and foremost, and an actor second.
80. I still cry when I see a certain Goofy cartoon.
81. I dig reservoir dogs, alot.
82. I have reservoir dogs action figures, and 2 posters.
83. I play softball, co-ed and mens.
84. I pitch, play first, and anywhere else on the field.
85. I've hit several homeruns, the longest was 335 ft.
86. I miss Josh and Tyler alot.
87. I've yet to turn down a single role I've been offered.
88. I Hope that I will never have to.
89. I believe a kiss can tell a story.
90. I didn't have my first kiss til I was 16, and it was from a dare.
91. I sometimes use a stage name, Steve Titus.
92. I will never join a frat.
93. I people watch, and evesdrop to create characters.
94. I wear sandals as often as possible.
95. I always wear an undershirt, always.
96. I'm a boxers man, but i do own a few boxer briefs.
97. I consider myself an average hero, but i don't know if I've ever saved anyone.
98. I look for orions belt everytime I look at the stars.
99. I've done 5 shows, 3 films, print work, and wrote a screen play in less then a year.
100. I'm proud of who i am... confident, strong, and i love who it is I am.
2. Those close to me call me TJ though.
3. I have a fear of drowning.
4. My sister has cancer and scares me to death.
5. I would take my sisters place any day, so that she wouldn't have to feel any pain.
6. I've always thought I was superman, and lately I've realized I'm not.
7. Ever since my trip to Missouri I've grown up alot.
8. I rarely drink beer. rarely.
9. I regret doing somethings when I was younger but I wouldn't take them back. They've made me.
10. I trust people easily, since I'm honest.
11. I've had trouble being myself in the past, but that no longer is a problem.
12. I do this thing called "premeditated stupidity"
13. I try to save people, but in-turn I need some assistance.
14. When I find a cologne I like, I stick with it.
15. I need change, but haven't had the inspiration to do it.
16. I listen to a few cd's on a regular basis.
17. I own alot of cd's... couple hundred or so.
18. I keep a select few cd's near by for immediate listening.
19. I can't stop listening to Relient K lately.
20. I love Death Cab for Cutie.
21. My first favorite band was Third Eye Blind.
22. I've been playing the guitar since I was a senior in high school.
23. I'm also a drummer, and according to my family I'm better at it than guitar.
24. I've been in four different bands.
25. I miss my first band that I formed called Harpers Failures.
26. I'm obsessed with the Back to the Future movies.
27. I own to crosses, both identical to each other.
28. I buy dupilcates of cd's I already have because I listen to them so much.
29. If I wasn't an Actor, I'd want to teach.
30. I look up to my mom more than anyone in the world.
31. I look to my dad, so I won't become what he has.
32. I have more ambition than most people will see in a lifetime.
33. I challenge myself so that I can fail.
34. I fail so I can learn.
35. I learn because I strive to be great.
36. I would give up my career to have a family.
37. Although my last name is Davis, I want to take my moms maiden name to make my poppy proud.
38. I hold some of my close friends in my heart, and some of my family I know nothing about.
39. My aunt and grandmother have no idea how old I am.
40. I have 2 tats.
41. One is a star that symbolizes imperfection.
42. The other is plain and simple... family.
43. I regret where I had the tats done at on my body, but i wouldn't ever remove them .
44. My favorite number is 18.
45. My softball jersey number is also 18.
46. My dad wears a necklace that I want, thats the hebrew symbol for life.
47. That symbol contains the number 18.
48. The 18th of July is my birthday.
49. I love white chocolate.
50. I don't like nuts.
51. I don't drink milk.
52. I don't like cheese.
53. I'm not lactose intolerant.
54. I was born 3 months premature.
55. I weighed 3 lbs. 5oz.
56. I've had surgery on my ears 8 times.
57. I fear that one day I'll be deaf.
58. I need a good cry.
59. It makes me sad that my mom is falling apart.
60. It makes me angry that all i can do is watch.
61. I've met someone who makes me smile.
62. She laughs when she finds something funny, not just because I tried to be.
63. I've worn my salvation braclet every since I was given it.
64. I say grace at meal quietly, because when it comes to religion I'm shy.
65. I've never been arrested.
66. I've never gotten a speeding ticket.
67. I was never suspended in high school.
68. I was suspended from riding the bus though. funny story.
69. I love to play darts.
70. I'm not very good at playing pool.
71. I like to know that people care.
72. I like recieving gifts, but i'd rather have time with people.. its priceless.
73. I shave my head almost everyday.
74. I fear that one day I'll let my family down... and that can't happen.
75. I write lyrics on a regualr basis.
76. I rarley write for me.
77. I write to make others feel better, and when i read it...I can't relate.
78. I'm a hopeless romantic.
79. I'm Todd first and foremost, and an actor second.
80. I still cry when I see a certain Goofy cartoon.
81. I dig reservoir dogs, alot.
82. I have reservoir dogs action figures, and 2 posters.
83. I play softball, co-ed and mens.
84. I pitch, play first, and anywhere else on the field.
85. I've hit several homeruns, the longest was 335 ft.
86. I miss Josh and Tyler alot.
87. I've yet to turn down a single role I've been offered.
88. I Hope that I will never have to.
89. I believe a kiss can tell a story.
90. I didn't have my first kiss til I was 16, and it was from a dare.
91. I sometimes use a stage name, Steve Titus.
92. I will never join a frat.
93. I people watch, and evesdrop to create characters.
94. I wear sandals as often as possible.
95. I always wear an undershirt, always.
96. I'm a boxers man, but i do own a few boxer briefs.
97. I consider myself an average hero, but i don't know if I've ever saved anyone.
98. I look for orions belt everytime I look at the stars.
99. I've done 5 shows, 3 films, print work, and wrote a screen play in less then a year.
100. I'm proud of who i am... confident, strong, and i love who it is I am.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
I'm waiting for my departing flight, but it doesn't seem to be showing...
I love theatre, and I'm glad I have the passion to pursue it.
When you're living in the makes of a crackhouse... it really boosts your sense of everything.
The only thing keeping my sane,is the cross hanging in my doorframe, the journal I've kept while here, and my phone calls with a really great friend.
Last night we had an amazingly violent night of thunderstorms, and to tell you the truth, I couldn't sleep because I was really that uncomfortable. I miss home. I can barely even recieve calls from family and friends because I don't know how long my reception will last. Although I could probably find someone in town with morse code, or the technique for smoke signals... i don't think I have the time to learn how.
Sorry for the random updates, its what I got.
Be good, smile, make a connection.
When you're living in the makes of a crackhouse... it really boosts your sense of everything.
The only thing keeping my sane,is the cross hanging in my doorframe, the journal I've kept while here, and my phone calls with a really great friend.
Last night we had an amazingly violent night of thunderstorms, and to tell you the truth, I couldn't sleep because I was really that uncomfortable. I miss home. I can barely even recieve calls from family and friends because I don't know how long my reception will last. Although I could probably find someone in town with morse code, or the technique for smoke signals... i don't think I have the time to learn how.
Sorry for the random updates, its what I got.
Be good, smile, make a connection.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Coming to you Live from the middle of nowhere ...
Ok, so i didn't post like i said I would before I left... but I'm posting while I'm here, which I wasn't planning on doing . Here's what I can tell you...
I live in the paper street soap co. house from fight club... really.
I have learned to bather...with is a bath and shower combined.
I have a stove and a sink in my "bedroom", a gas stove.
I stay up as late as I can, so when I go to bed I pass right out.
I'm living on water and bagged cereal.
I have yet to find a place to do laundry.
I'm currently in the public library which has 7 computers... all from 1990
I'm ready to go home, and back to somewhere that doesn't still think Nixon is president.
The only thing keeping me here in my love for theatre, family guy dvd nights, and the frequent jam sessions that take place in the house.
Just wanted to say that I miss everyone back in the real world, and I hope to see you all real soon. really.
I live in the paper street soap co. house from fight club... really.
I have learned to bather...with is a bath and shower combined.
I have a stove and a sink in my "bedroom", a gas stove.
I stay up as late as I can, so when I go to bed I pass right out.
I'm living on water and bagged cereal.
I have yet to find a place to do laundry.
I'm currently in the public library which has 7 computers... all from 1990
I'm ready to go home, and back to somewhere that doesn't still think Nixon is president.
The only thing keeping me here in my love for theatre, family guy dvd nights, and the frequent jam sessions that take place in the house.
Just wanted to say that I miss everyone back in the real world, and I hope to see you all real soon. really.
Monday, May 23, 2005
What is it you think I can do for you ? Be Honest and Ask Me.
So, this is my 2nd to the last post for quite sometime. Expect a bit more before I leave.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Good News... I saved a bunch of money by switching my car insurance, and the doctor didn't kill me.
Ok, Quick update.
Just wanted to let everyone know that surgery was successful. It took 4 hours instead of the 1, and was alot more detailed than expected. The doctor told my parents that the growth had enzymes that were about to eat away at a bone connected to my brain, but lucky the surgery was in time. This is coming from the same doctor that wanted to postpone surgery, and put me on more meds to see if that'd help. Good thing we all listened to Todd on this one. I'm making great progress, I'm eating and chewing solid foods, and walking around to keep me going. Look out world, you only kept me down for one day, I'm back and ready for action... well, almost.
This is a pic of me as a child. yes, thats really me.
Just wanted to let everyone know that surgery was successful. It took 4 hours instead of the 1, and was alot more detailed than expected. The doctor told my parents that the growth had enzymes that were about to eat away at a bone connected to my brain, but lucky the surgery was in time. This is coming from the same doctor that wanted to postpone surgery, and put me on more meds to see if that'd help. Good thing we all listened to Todd on this one. I'm making great progress, I'm eating and chewing solid foods, and walking around to keep me going. Look out world, you only kept me down for one day, I'm back and ready for action... well, almost.
This is a pic of me as a child. yes, thats really me.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Something to make me smile.
I'm about to leave for the hospital, but I wanted to post a picture. Good times, Good times.
I'm on the top platform (in case you couldn't tell)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
"Average Hero Saves the day, but know one knows who he is"
Someone at UCF once told me why it is I'm so persistant, determined and focused. "Oh, I know why you do so much in the department, it's because you're new. Once you get to be where I am, you'll stop"
You know what I have to say to that...
This is my career I'm working for not a grade. I strive to become successful which means I'll do what it takes to achieve greatness. I don't get a second chance at this life, so why should I sit back and wait... I won't.
I've been hired to be one of the brothers in the production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in Missouri with the City of Maples Repetory Theatre. I'll be there from May 24-July 18 (which happens to be my 22nd birthday) and then I'll be back in florida to get ready for the fall semester.
Surgery is Thursday, and I'm ready for it. In, Out and Cured... right? Damn right.
You know what I have to say to that...
Fuck You.
This is my career I'm working for not a grade. I strive to become successful which means I'll do what it takes to achieve greatness. I don't get a second chance at this life, so why should I sit back and wait... I won't.
Whew, on to the good things.
I've been hired to be one of the brothers in the production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in Missouri with the City of Maples Repetory Theatre. I'll be there from May 24-July 18 (which happens to be my 22nd birthday) and then I'll be back in florida to get ready for the fall semester.
Surgery is Thursday, and I'm ready for it. In, Out and Cured... right? Damn right.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Bond...Jermiah Bond. Nope, Doesn't have the same touch.
Why do I always look so serious when I take pictures?
I'm in training to be a secret agent... or not.
Leave me some comments...
I'm on myspace also, www.myspace.com/theaveragehero
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Blast from my own Past. Part I
I wrote this when I was 17. It's shocking.
When you wake in the morning, what thought crosses your mind? Is it the burning question of acceptance, well to me, it is. Not accpetance in society, but to someone even more important, myself.
So i ask myself, and you should also, who am I, and why?
It's funny, in this life we search for new and daring adventures, to enhance our lives, yet we forget to realize that what we've been doing daily is constant and isn't new. The only thing in the enitre world that will always stay the same is change. We use the word like one day we will wake up and we realize that everything we're used has dissapeared and we will soon be forced to fen for ourselves. I'm assuming that not only I feel this way, this is the reason people live with there parents after high school, not to mooch or live off them, but yet that we are scared that one day we will wake up, and nothin will make sense. So now i've come to the point in my life where i must decide, do i really know myself, or have I not only been fooling everyone else but also myself. We spend all our lives digging a pit of despair, and trying to fill that imagianry hole, and for what reason, to reassure ourselves, or make someone feel more confident in you ? Everyones got a special place they like to run and hide, a sanctuary the can express there deepest in. Mine is in the worst place of all within myself, and i need to change it, but its constant and will always stay the same.
So i ask myself, and you should also, where am I, and why am I there, and where will I be?
When you wake in the morning, what thought crosses your mind? Is it the burning question of acceptance, well to me, it is. Not accpetance in society, but to someone even more important, myself.
So i ask myself, and you should also, who am I, and why?
It's funny, in this life we search for new and daring adventures, to enhance our lives, yet we forget to realize that what we've been doing daily is constant and isn't new. The only thing in the enitre world that will always stay the same is change. We use the word like one day we will wake up and we realize that everything we're used has dissapeared and we will soon be forced to fen for ourselves. I'm assuming that not only I feel this way, this is the reason people live with there parents after high school, not to mooch or live off them, but yet that we are scared that one day we will wake up, and nothin will make sense. So now i've come to the point in my life where i must decide, do i really know myself, or have I not only been fooling everyone else but also myself. We spend all our lives digging a pit of despair, and trying to fill that imagianry hole, and for what reason, to reassure ourselves, or make someone feel more confident in you ? Everyones got a special place they like to run and hide, a sanctuary the can express there deepest in. Mine is in the worst place of all within myself, and i need to change it, but its constant and will always stay the same.
So i ask myself, and you should also, where am I, and why am I there, and where will I be?
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Mission Accomplished - Part I
Sorry I haven't written in a while but i've been busy with finals, and getting ready to move back home.
Finals are over.
I had my BFA review. I heard lots of great things. I have excellent Leadership and the Attitude to go with it. My professors are glad to have me in class. Fucking Rad.
The only criticism I recieved is that I need to work on taking direction better. Done. I have all summer to work on that, and I will.
I have the theatre banquet on friday evenin' and I'm excited to hang out with my kinda people. This will be the last time I see them until the fall semester. things will be a bit different then. Promise.
Saturday I'm working tech at the Wyndham Orland Resort on I-drive. I applied for the chance to work with some big people around town on this FAME banquet, and I got in. It's going to be quite an experience, it's load-in, set-up, rehearse, run show, strike and load-out all in the same day. Holy Poop... This should be fun.
I started 2005 with the theme for "living in the now" and I think i've surpassed that. I've lived in the now, and even more.
I've become a better person day by day. I've made somethings better with people, because conflict isn't healthy. I'm not perfect and I don't strive to be something I'm not... but I need to be the best Todd Justin Davis I can be.
On that note, the theme for the rest of the year is..
Take a chance... be yourself... make a connection.
Finals are over.
I had my BFA review. I heard lots of great things. I have excellent Leadership and the Attitude to go with it. My professors are glad to have me in class. Fucking Rad.
The only criticism I recieved is that I need to work on taking direction better. Done. I have all summer to work on that, and I will.
I have the theatre banquet on friday evenin' and I'm excited to hang out with my kinda people. This will be the last time I see them until the fall semester. things will be a bit different then. Promise.
Saturday I'm working tech at the Wyndham Orland Resort on I-drive. I applied for the chance to work with some big people around town on this FAME banquet, and I got in. It's going to be quite an experience, it's load-in, set-up, rehearse, run show, strike and load-out all in the same day. Holy Poop... This should be fun.
I started 2005 with the theme for "living in the now" and I think i've surpassed that. I've lived in the now, and even more.
I've become a better person day by day. I've made somethings better with people, because conflict isn't healthy. I'm not perfect and I don't strive to be something I'm not... but I need to be the best Todd Justin Davis I can be.
On that note, the theme for the rest of the year is..
Take a chance... be yourself... make a connection.
Friday, April 15, 2005
If I wasn't such a wuss, I'd do what I wrote...
So, I've been writing a bit lately, and this was born from a conversation I had the evening before. It's a tragiclove lyric, and I'm not sure where it came from. It's so bittersweet in my opinion, and hopefully some people can relate.
"I've decided I'm going to drop out of college and just look for shit on the beach with a metal detector... I could wake up in a sleeping bag on the shore and have no care in the world, I mean I'll probably never leave your side, but atleast I'll always have that choice"
"I've decided I'm going to drop out of college and just look for shit on the beach with a metal detector... I could wake up in a sleeping bag on the shore and have no care in the world, I mean I'll probably never leave your side, but atleast I'll always have that choice"
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Live by these fucking words...
There are no
bad experiences.Sometimes we will make mistakes.Occasionally, we will achieve greatness.The only requirement is that we
live our life the way we want.
Something significant is missing in my life and I've not been able to place it.
But i'm living my life the way I want.
Guess thats the price for making my own decisions.
Friday, April 01, 2005
I'm not really nervous I'm in what I'd like to call, Negitive Anticipation.
Live on Pay-Per-View
Thursday. Thursday. Thursday.
May 19th.
I've never been a man of religion, but with each passing day, I find myself exploring the possiblities.
Thursday. Thursday. Thursday.
May 19th.
I've never been a man of religion, but with each passing day, I find myself exploring the possiblities.
What a moment, huh ?
It's only when we're in need we look above, it's not when we have too much do we ask.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
"You're acting like a first year fuckin' thief, I'm acting like a fucking professional"
In this hectic world I'm trying to be cool with these things, 'cause I need to be cool.
I will always have a smile on my face.
In this world, we have the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Which one are you ?
I will always have a smile on my face.
In this world, we have the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Which one are you ?
Monday, March 28, 2005
One mans trash, is another mans treasure.
That was my today.
I had the trash, but i didn't recieve any treasure.
Any questions ask away.
I've stopped actually writing real paragraphs and complete thoughts lately... oops.
Tomorrow I'll find out about the severity of the operation, and when i'm going into the hospital.
I love my friends for looking out for me. Thank you, I'd do the same.
I had the trash, but i didn't recieve any treasure.
Any questions ask away.
I've stopped actually writing real paragraphs and complete thoughts lately... oops.
Tomorrow I'll find out about the severity of the operation, and when i'm going into the hospital.
I love my friends for looking out for me. Thank you, I'd do the same.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
..."who'd have thought bad news would be comforting"...
The doctors called.
I have a cyst on my ear drum. I have this identical thing when I was 12. Who'd have thought that 10 years later it'd come back to say hi.
I know whats wrong, but that doesn't make it any easier...
...It's safe to say, I'm scared.
Monday, March 21, 2005
...the story so far..
Before you continue on, please take my writing for what its worth. For me its alot, for others it may not be the same. I don't like using names in my posts, and i will use them in this post when i feel its needed. I'm under the assumption that those concerned can figure it out, if they aren't mentioned.
I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to please others, and with the thoughts that've been running thru my mind... that has ended. I'm tired of sacrificing my hapiness for others just to make things okay. Things were not okay. The past is the past, in relationships. Do Not read into things. A simple hello, is 99.9% of the time, just what it is... a simple hello. The other .1%... its not what you think it is. TRUST ME. On that note, the past is exacatly what it is, it has vanished and I will respect that.
I strive for honesty from others, and it seems that I'm looking for the wrong thing. My expectations for the world is too high, and I will probably never change that. My expectations for myself, however are not going to change. I require alot of myself probably more than anyone I know, and I can thank my father for that. My dad has wasted his entire life doing nothing, having dreams and never pursuing them and always saying, "one day." My dad's day, has sadly but more importantly past him by. I use the phrase "one day," but I've been busting my ass for my dream and not taking a break. Family and friends have taken back seats to my aspirations, and all I can say is Thank You. My family and my real friends have been very understanding and they know that I've not forgotten about them. This is a look back. Change is being made, a whole lot of it...a re-assestment of my life if you'd like to call it that.
I saw a shirt today while at the gym, and i snickered at it. The shirt read "To be honest, I'm a liar." Ponder that one. I'm an actor, but call it whatever you'd like, but the basic point is: I lie for a living. Really.
I'm honest with those I trust, and this may surprise many of you, but its only a few.
I hate using names... but here it goes... (I'm going to regret this)
Josh, I trust you like family...to me you are family. We've had some goodtimes, and you're the brother I didn't have the fortune of growing up with. Thank you Sir, for being a friend. I wish we got a chance to spend more time wreaking havoc, but thats the downfall of hanging out with people in theatre.
Tyler, You are amazing. You're such a strong person in even the worst situations, and even when you had more important things going on, you'd still check up on me. It means alot. Thank you.
Sarah & Jeff, You both have been co-workers and friends, but more importantly you've allowed me to talk and be open. Much Thanks.
Courtney & Dolline, You've both seen different sides of me and to be honest I don't know how truthful i was either one of you. I wasn't truthful to myself, so it was near impossible for me to be with you. I was faithful and loyal as a boyfriend, but as me, Todd... I wasn't being fair. To be honest, you both for certain things about yourself thru me, but I didn't find anything in myself. Thats why I've had such a hard time settling down, and being ok with down time. My passion for theatre, and doing for others has always been important, and it wasn't just an excuse. I'm an actor, and you both were unaware of the sacrifices I am, and willing to go thru to make my dream, ambition, and passion a success.
I use this site to write the things I can't say in person. It seems that some people I know have done the same thing, and I know who they are... I've read things I didn't want to admit,and I've seen things I probably shouldn't have. The thing is though and I believe it was written because I needed to see it. And really, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nicer if people would've just told me that, but I'm a pretty strong person and I can't even allow myself to do that. Which is why the reason I'm writing this. From now on, be upfornt. If you already are, continue to do so. Everyone.
Sorry if this has upset anyone, but if you hurry now there's a sale on kleenex at Publix.
"this is your life, and it's ending one second at a time"
I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to please others, and with the thoughts that've been running thru my mind... that has ended. I'm tired of sacrificing my hapiness for others just to make things okay. Things were not okay. The past is the past, in relationships. Do Not read into things. A simple hello, is 99.9% of the time, just what it is... a simple hello. The other .1%... its not what you think it is. TRUST ME. On that note, the past is exacatly what it is, it has vanished and I will respect that.
I strive for honesty from others, and it seems that I'm looking for the wrong thing. My expectations for the world is too high, and I will probably never change that. My expectations for myself, however are not going to change. I require alot of myself probably more than anyone I know, and I can thank my father for that. My dad has wasted his entire life doing nothing, having dreams and never pursuing them and always saying, "one day." My dad's day, has sadly but more importantly past him by. I use the phrase "one day," but I've been busting my ass for my dream and not taking a break. Family and friends have taken back seats to my aspirations, and all I can say is Thank You. My family and my real friends have been very understanding and they know that I've not forgotten about them. This is a look back. Change is being made, a whole lot of it...a re-assestment of my life if you'd like to call it that.
I saw a shirt today while at the gym, and i snickered at it. The shirt read "To be honest, I'm a liar." Ponder that one. I'm an actor, but call it whatever you'd like, but the basic point is: I lie for a living. Really.
I'm honest with those I trust, and this may surprise many of you, but its only a few.
I hate using names... but here it goes... (I'm going to regret this)
Josh, I trust you like family...to me you are family. We've had some goodtimes, and you're the brother I didn't have the fortune of growing up with. Thank you Sir, for being a friend. I wish we got a chance to spend more time wreaking havoc, but thats the downfall of hanging out with people in theatre.
Tyler, You are amazing. You're such a strong person in even the worst situations, and even when you had more important things going on, you'd still check up on me. It means alot. Thank you.
Sarah & Jeff, You both have been co-workers and friends, but more importantly you've allowed me to talk and be open. Much Thanks.
Courtney & Dolline, You've both seen different sides of me and to be honest I don't know how truthful i was either one of you. I wasn't truthful to myself, so it was near impossible for me to be with you. I was faithful and loyal as a boyfriend, but as me, Todd... I wasn't being fair. To be honest, you both for certain things about yourself thru me, but I didn't find anything in myself. Thats why I've had such a hard time settling down, and being ok with down time. My passion for theatre, and doing for others has always been important, and it wasn't just an excuse. I'm an actor, and you both were unaware of the sacrifices I am, and willing to go thru to make my dream, ambition, and passion a success.
I use this site to write the things I can't say in person. It seems that some people I know have done the same thing, and I know who they are... I've read things I didn't want to admit,and I've seen things I probably shouldn't have. The thing is though and I believe it was written because I needed to see it. And really, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nicer if people would've just told me that, but I'm a pretty strong person and I can't even allow myself to do that. Which is why the reason I'm writing this. From now on, be upfornt. If you already are, continue to do so. Everyone.
Sorry if this has upset anyone, but if you hurry now there's a sale on kleenex at Publix.
"this is your life, and it's ending one second at a time"
Sunday, March 20, 2005
...and from the mist, a prophet appeared...
Honesty from others is always welcomed...
...soon I'll have the courage to type out the world's largest post.
People will be offended, and I may become an asshole to many, but that's a chance I'm going to take.
Stay Tuned, Seriously... This should not be missed.
Sorry. (Just saying it in advance)
Saturday, March 19, 2005
If this was a childhood game...
If being in a relationship was like playing kickball as a kid, there's only thing i want...
...To be picked first.
Not for those who are considered to be weak...
I don't know if anyone reads this, or if anyone who needs to read this does...
Damn that phrase to hell... I hate reality and the sacrifices we all go thru to please others.
Take a bite out of this, and tell me how it tastes.
I can never be jealous of what never was, and I am hopeful of what could be.
Damn that phrase to hell... I hate reality and the sacrifices we all go thru to please others.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Dear Santa, This year I'd like a really early present...I just want a girl to play with my Pee - Pee...
... is that alot to ask?
I'm the first to post it!!!!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha
So, i had a great night with some amazing friends, and some new ones I hope to add in the category. I haven't been bowling, since last spring break in Illinios, so its offically been a year and it was great. I think I might have destroyed most of the bowling ball, or perhaps the lines... I didn't know shotput bowling wasn't proper. I did realize that If acting doesn't work out in my favor, then i can always be the guy who makes computer graphics for bowling alleys... or I can become a comic and write offensive jokes that'll upset those who can't handle it.
This evening, I have a meeting to discuss a screenplay i wrote. A friend wants to produce and direct it, and he's got a great reputation, two of his films have been accepted in NYU's Film festival. This should be a productive evening, and keep the giddy smile on face all day... I'm going to be one of the two characters, but if anyone else would like to be considered, let me know. (It's a british comedy, with dry humor...an accent is a must)
After that i'm heading a party, in the same complex. Just met this guy last night, fellow actor, and nice guy... this should be a fun party, especially since I can walk down the road to get trashed.
Hope Everyone is doing well, I'm off to the Gym to workout for a bit.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Scary Shit, Enough said.
I had my ct scans this morning and lets just say, it was some scary shit. There's something odd about lying down, and hearing every sound that machine produces wondering what the hell it's actually doing.
I'd like to think that I'm a strong guy mentally but when that machine spins around you, you can't help but to feel like you're being broken down. That shit just broke me down, hopefully it isn't a sign of whats to come. I'd like this year to count... hopefully it'll be for good reasons.
I'd like to think that I'm a strong guy mentally but when that machine spins around you, you can't help but to feel like you're being broken down. That shit just broke me down, hopefully it isn't a sign of whats to come. I'd like this year to count... hopefully it'll be for good reasons.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Musical Meditation: Fate.
I believe everything you say
Cuz you're not frightened
the way I've been so
So I follow you
Just in case you lose your way
So glad you let me stay around
The chain link fence you climbed
To make forbidden lakes our own
Yours and mine
And with ease of the sea gulls
We cut the engines and cruise high
In the summer sky
Now I could speak to everything
But there's no room for my voice
When sweet feedback is
Jumping through the hoop of your ear
Ring there goes the phone
And then you're off again
On what the caller brings you
So I went and trashed myself at the bar
Confused for nothing
thinking you'd be there
I'm so embarrassed cuz it's you
Who comes to take care of me
Shambling home again with you to lead
And it's not the way I want to go
I'm mad at you and I'm mad at me
Talking endlessly, not a kind word to say
Till your amber beads of wisdom come
And I want to write it down
Just the way you said it
So I could keep it always
I can't forget the smell
Of summer trees at midnight
Bending backwards to please the wind
You touch the tattoo of the sun
On a warm belly that once
carried a baby for a while
Then let that crackled leather jacket round you fold
Red face saints monogrammed in gold
And in this beauty
I would not go any further
Cuz I suddenly remembered
We can't live this way forever
Idle daylight
I've never caught you in a lie
Not until now
I feel somehow
The passing of these days gone by
What will you do when the feeling
That you have is through
I need to know
Cuz I'll never stop hanging on to you
And it's times like this that I dread
When there's everything to say
And nothing left
To be said
And it makes me sad
Sometimes even I don't know what to say.... This is one of those times
Fuck.
Theres a fine line between wants and needs.
Just let things be... whatever has to happen, will happen.
Just for the record, I hate cliches.
Just for the record, I hate cliches.
Smile.
Monday, March 14, 2005
..Turn the page, and start another chapter...
I did it, I fucking did it.
I did my very first show for UCF.
I can't believe I actually made it happen. my determination for performing has always been strong, but even I have to admit that doubt was in the back of my mind. I'm happy to say that my ambition, and determination has shown even me that hardwork is a bitch, but worth it.
Scapin is offically over, and I miss it.
I miss the rehearsals the most, when we would all laugh at stupid jokes that no one else found funny is still a great time for me.
Thats it for this chapter of my life, Scapin will get filled as another roles accomplished, and brings me another step closer to whats next.
Tonight I'm going to Backbooth, for Crush. Not really sure what it is, but i heard its all indie music, and i was invited by a pretty amazing girl . We'll see what happens...
I did my very first show for UCF.
I can't believe I actually made it happen. my determination for performing has always been strong, but even I have to admit that doubt was in the back of my mind. I'm happy to say that my ambition, and determination has shown even me that hardwork is a bitch, but worth it.
Scapin is offically over, and I miss it.
I miss the rehearsals the most, when we would all laugh at stupid jokes that no one else found funny is still a great time for me.
Thats it for this chapter of my life, Scapin will get filled as another roles accomplished, and brings me another step closer to whats next.
Tonight I'm going to Backbooth, for Crush. Not really sure what it is, but i heard its all indie music, and i was invited by a pretty amazing girl . We'll see what happens...
Thursday, March 10, 2005
"...in life, it's already known, or it's finally irrelevant.."
...trying no longer helps, only doing.
I can't even express the vibes i've been recieving from this show... I'm acting like..(to myself)..that this is my first time being onstage because I'm so happy to be performing at as BFA major at UCF. I guess it's because some of the other kids in the program have taken the title for granted,and they haven't had the experience I've gained in the last 3 months. I'm sharing the stage with fellow undergraduate students, and a few graduate students...and the people who have come to see the show, can't tellthe difference. That means i'm holding my own...and I'm so proud. I mean, my friends who are like my family, are behind me 100% and i couldn't be more thankful. Thats probably why I keep a select few people close to me. For myself, all the hardwork that I've put into it, is really starting to payoff. Maybe not starting, but maybe it's paid off, and I haven't realized it til now. Larry and his wife came out to see the show, and they left a great comment on my previous entry. It was great to work with him in "1940's" and even better to see him and his wife have a good time at the theatre. I think its great that we as actors, can also be audience members, and friends, all at the same time. I hope I get another chance to work with him in the future,from what i hear he's a great writer, and with the jokes that we tossed around...I'm sure of it. I think pops and lou need a card game reunion, so if he could write something along those lines, it'd be great.
Your honesty, and friendship means the world to me. Thank you all.
I can't even express the vibes i've been recieving from this show... I'm acting like..(to myself)..that this is my first time being onstage because I'm so happy to be performing at as BFA major at UCF. I guess it's because some of the other kids in the program have taken the title for granted,and they haven't had the experience I've gained in the last 3 months. I'm sharing the stage with fellow undergraduate students, and a few graduate students...and the people who have come to see the show, can't tellthe difference. That means i'm holding my own...and I'm so proud. I mean, my friends who are like my family, are behind me 100% and i couldn't be more thankful. Thats probably why I keep a select few people close to me. For myself, all the hardwork that I've put into it, is really starting to payoff. Maybe not starting, but maybe it's paid off, and I haven't realized it til now. Larry and his wife came out to see the show, and they left a great comment on my previous entry. It was great to work with him in "1940's" and even better to see him and his wife have a good time at the theatre. I think its great that we as actors, can also be audience members, and friends, all at the same time. I hope I get another chance to work with him in the future,from what i hear he's a great writer, and with the jokes that we tossed around...I'm sure of it. I think pops and lou need a card game reunion, so if he could write something along those lines, it'd be great.
Your honesty, and friendship means the world to me. Thank you all.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Hardwork = Great Payoff
This review is from Ink19
The Trickeries of Scapin
By Molière
Translated by Tunc Yalman
Directed by Christopher Niess
Starring Lisa Bryant, Aaron Kirkpatrick, Michael Navarro
UCF Conservatory Theater
At the Orlando Rep, Orlando, Fla.
Molière on a trampoline - who would have thought to do that? Certainly not I, but the effect is stunning - no matter what happens in the script, the cast bounces around like Tigger in masks, climbing up and sliding down a theatrical money bar gym set. The plot is hopelessly 17th century - a young man Octave (Kirkpatrick) secretly marries the wrong woman, an over Barbiefied squeaker of a girl Hyacinte (Brittany Berkowitz). His semi best friend Leandre (Donte Bonner) has similar low taste - he's gone for the gypsy chick Zerbinette (Niki Klass). Neither one has told dear old dad, both of whom are business partners. Octave's dad Argante (Todd Davis) is pretty ticked, along with Leander's poppa Gerent (Sam Waters). What to do? Why, appeal to rapscallion servant Scapin (Bryant), that sexually ambiguous master of solving any problem. Along with side kick Sylvester (Navarro), Scapino fleeces each father for a stack of doubloons, repairs the family ties, and reveals that each girl is in fact worthy of marriage. Quite the bastard, that Scapin!
Molière ranks in timelessness with the earlier English Bard, if he falls a few centuries later in time. Perhaps the plot is a hair hackneyed; this clever and energetic production runs the cast up and down the stairs in and out of the lofts of the theater, sometimes attacking each other and often stealing shoes from the paying customers. Scapin is wonderful, alternately boorish and crooked, clever and cloying. While Scapin is low of stature in the community of the wealthy, and ranks high in the eyes of the serving class. His (or her) general "don’t give a damn" attitude and general boldness allows the freedom to do anything. Around Scapin swirls a bouncy and convincing crowd of masked revelers, all representing the stereotypes of pre-revolutionary France. Navarro's Sylvester is the perfect second banana, obedient and fearless, Klass's Zerbinette slathers sex on the stage, and Todd Davis rages impotently as the wronged father - oh, that we could all do that to dear old dad!
Molière skewers the pretense of the day, and enough of the human condition remains unchanged to carry forward to the 21st century. The language is a bit stilted, but not to the point of confusion. What really pulls this production into the new millennia is the adaptation - director Niess puts a clever twist on the staging, and with an abundance of young actors who probably hang out in health clubs instead of bars, this ballistic project flies.
The Trickeries of Scapin
By Molière
Translated by Tunc Yalman
Directed by Christopher Niess
Starring Lisa Bryant, Aaron Kirkpatrick, Michael Navarro
UCF Conservatory Theater
At the Orlando Rep, Orlando, Fla.
Molière on a trampoline - who would have thought to do that? Certainly not I, but the effect is stunning - no matter what happens in the script, the cast bounces around like Tigger in masks, climbing up and sliding down a theatrical money bar gym set. The plot is hopelessly 17th century - a young man Octave (Kirkpatrick) secretly marries the wrong woman, an over Barbiefied squeaker of a girl Hyacinte (Brittany Berkowitz). His semi best friend Leandre (Donte Bonner) has similar low taste - he's gone for the gypsy chick Zerbinette (Niki Klass). Neither one has told dear old dad, both of whom are business partners. Octave's dad Argante (Todd Davis) is pretty ticked, along with Leander's poppa Gerent (Sam Waters). What to do? Why, appeal to rapscallion servant Scapin (Bryant), that sexually ambiguous master of solving any problem. Along with side kick Sylvester (Navarro), Scapino fleeces each father for a stack of doubloons, repairs the family ties, and reveals that each girl is in fact worthy of marriage. Quite the bastard, that Scapin!
Molière ranks in timelessness with the earlier English Bard, if he falls a few centuries later in time. Perhaps the plot is a hair hackneyed; this clever and energetic production runs the cast up and down the stairs in and out of the lofts of the theater, sometimes attacking each other and often stealing shoes from the paying customers. Scapin is wonderful, alternately boorish and crooked, clever and cloying. While Scapin is low of stature in the community of the wealthy, and ranks high in the eyes of the serving class. His (or her) general "don’t give a damn" attitude and general boldness allows the freedom to do anything. Around Scapin swirls a bouncy and convincing crowd of masked revelers, all representing the stereotypes of pre-revolutionary France. Navarro's Sylvester is the perfect second banana, obedient and fearless, Klass's Zerbinette slathers sex on the stage, and Todd Davis rages impotently as the wronged father - oh, that we could all do that to dear old dad!
Molière skewers the pretense of the day, and enough of the human condition remains unchanged to carry forward to the 21st century. The language is a bit stilted, but not to the point of confusion. What really pulls this production into the new millennia is the adaptation - director Niess puts a clever twist on the staging, and with an abundance of young actors who probably hang out in health clubs instead of bars, this ballistic project flies.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Sometimes getting there, is getting by...and sometimes its more than enough.
I'm not one for writing long drawn out blogs, but this will be one...so be prepared.
Life is amazing.
I wish I saw my family more, I miss mom and my sister, but you know what they say..absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when referring to family I couldn't agree more. I hate that I'm busy, because of theatre. I'm an actor yes, but I'm Todd (a human being) first and foremost. I hate it when people say that when you're an actor, you are an actor. Bullshit.
I realized after a near nervous breakdown last month, a few things. One...I'm scared of being alone in a fast paced world. Two...I want a family of my own more than anything in the world. Three...I am talented, and a hell of a guy...but i'm an not untouchable.
Scapin is going great, I've had a few f-ups but nothing significant enough to ruin a show. I saw Josh and Amber after the show and they were but reassuring faces, in a confusing crowd. They both loved the show, and I'm glad. I realized that some people will be your friends for what you have, don't have, and what you can give them. Josh is my friend because. Thats as best as I can describe it. He's an older brother, a friend, and as he says .."his heterosexual lifemate"
The more I'm thrown into situations I'm unfamilar with, I learn. I'm different now. I'm aware of things.
The ones around me , know me best... Here's what they think:
You are the personification of "saving grace." You take on the world one smile at a time. You have more ambition than I could ever imagine being in one person. Sometimes I think you worry too much about other people and their opinions, and not enough about what's best for you.
You have a quiet confidence. Your original, caring, understanding, honest, personable, animated... and clever.
This has been an odd post, not really sure why that is. I hate writing about myself, but those around me tell me I need to start including me in my life. This is my first attempt at doing so.
I'm ending with a song lyric...
It’s getting late I hesitate to even try now,
but it’s worth it even if I’m tired tomorrow
Life is amazing.
I wish I saw my family more, I miss mom and my sister, but you know what they say..absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when referring to family I couldn't agree more. I hate that I'm busy, because of theatre. I'm an actor yes, but I'm Todd (a human being) first and foremost. I hate it when people say that when you're an actor, you are an actor. Bullshit.
I realized after a near nervous breakdown last month, a few things. One...I'm scared of being alone in a fast paced world. Two...I want a family of my own more than anything in the world. Three...I am talented, and a hell of a guy...but i'm an not untouchable.
Scapin is going great, I've had a few f-ups but nothing significant enough to ruin a show. I saw Josh and Amber after the show and they were but reassuring faces, in a confusing crowd. They both loved the show, and I'm glad. I realized that some people will be your friends for what you have, don't have, and what you can give them. Josh is my friend because. Thats as best as I can describe it. He's an older brother, a friend, and as he says .."his heterosexual lifemate"
The more I'm thrown into situations I'm unfamilar with, I learn. I'm different now. I'm aware of things.
The ones around me , know me best... Here's what they think:
You are the personification of "saving grace." You take on the world one smile at a time. You have more ambition than I could ever imagine being in one person. Sometimes I think you worry too much about other people and their opinions, and not enough about what's best for you.
You have a quiet confidence. Your original, caring, understanding, honest, personable, animated... and clever.
This has been an odd post, not really sure why that is. I hate writing about myself, but those around me tell me I need to start including me in my life. This is my first attempt at doing so.
I'm ending with a song lyric...
It’s getting late I hesitate to even try now,
but it’s worth it even if I’m tired tomorrow
A holiday for everyday.
Theatre is like Christmas.
"I'm an actor because I'd rather give than recieve"
"I'm an actor because I'd rather give than recieve"
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Sometimes, the best things happen while you're waiting...
Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection.
Take a Chance.
Be yourself.
Make a Connection.
What have you got to lose. Ask yourself. I'm tired of not knowing the outcome of things because I dont have the balls to find out. I'm ok with losing, as long as I take the chance. It's taken me a whileto realize this, but I'm glad I did. Victory will be priceless... when all goes well.
I want to have coffee and a movie this weekend... would someone like to join me?
I doubt anyone reads this thing. It's kinda nice to have somewhere to write freely.
Take a Chance.
Be yourself.
Make a Connection.
What have you got to lose. Ask yourself. I'm tired of not knowing the outcome of things because I dont have the balls to find out. I'm ok with losing, as long as I take the chance. It's taken me a whileto realize this, but I'm glad I did. Victory will be priceless... when all goes well.
I want to have coffee and a movie this weekend... would someone like to join me?
I doubt anyone reads this thing. It's kinda nice to have somewhere to write freely.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
When you break the rules...Look for some elmers glue and stop crying.
Here are two of the most important writings I've ever come up with.
The first, is a monologue I wrote about my father. It's a shame I've grown up faster than him.
It'll be 3 years in November since it happened.
Most families enjoy thanksgiving for the food, and the Macy's parade... mine always did. Every year my sister would run around the house shouting absurd commentary about parade floats, and mom and I would cook pretending to be these famous chefs preparing a dinner for royalty.
The day before my father had flown to NY, to be with his new girlfriend. You need to know that my parents had divorced a few weeks before. I wasn't upset for his actions... I was so shocked that I didn't allow for much emotion or reaction.
I had this feeling in my gut ... So I called him. I asked him how he was, and soon dropped the fake voice. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, but I only managed to get out "you're missing out on your job. He'd walk around the house in his underwear and do nothing the entire day, except on thanksgiving, he carved the turkey. I told him, Dad, you're suppose to be home to carve the bird...and before I could get another word out, I heard him laughing. The rest of the conversation was meaningless from then on.
I found myself with a set of knives in my hand carving a turkey. It was then I realized what it took to be a man. It wasn't money, or muscles or anything like that. It was family.
------
One statement will remind me daily of what I'm here for. That statement should be read aloud in an embarrassing way. It is-I believe that reality is a sublime comedy staged for the education and amusement, and that there is a benevolent conspiracy to liberate me from my ignorance and help transform me into the unique masterpiece I was born to be.
-----
I feel like I'm older than I really am, on a regular basis and I can't complain.
I know what I want.
I want a smile, killer eyes, brains, humor, and intrigue.
"I've always fallen fast, with too much trust in the promising" -DCFC
The first, is a monologue I wrote about my father. It's a shame I've grown up faster than him.
It'll be 3 years in November since it happened.
Most families enjoy thanksgiving for the food, and the Macy's parade... mine always did. Every year my sister would run around the house shouting absurd commentary about parade floats, and mom and I would cook pretending to be these famous chefs preparing a dinner for royalty.
The day before my father had flown to NY, to be with his new girlfriend. You need to know that my parents had divorced a few weeks before. I wasn't upset for his actions... I was so shocked that I didn't allow for much emotion or reaction.
I had this feeling in my gut ... So I called him. I asked him how he was, and soon dropped the fake voice. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, but I only managed to get out "you're missing out on your job. He'd walk around the house in his underwear and do nothing the entire day, except on thanksgiving, he carved the turkey. I told him, Dad, you're suppose to be home to carve the bird...and before I could get another word out, I heard him laughing. The rest of the conversation was meaningless from then on.
I found myself with a set of knives in my hand carving a turkey. It was then I realized what it took to be a man. It wasn't money, or muscles or anything like that. It was family.
------
One statement will remind me daily of what I'm here for. That statement should be read aloud in an embarrassing way. It is-I believe that reality is a sublime comedy staged for the education and amusement, and that there is a benevolent conspiracy to liberate me from my ignorance and help transform me into the unique masterpiece I was born to be.
-----
I feel like I'm older than I really am, on a regular basis and I can't complain.
I know what I want.
I want a smile, killer eyes, brains, humor, and intrigue.
"I've always fallen fast, with too much trust in the promising" -DCFC
Monday, February 28, 2005
Draw a straight line and connect both ends...come on, I dare ya.
Sorry for not writing in so long, but I've been busy and ill.
2005 has been a great year thus far, and it can really only get better.
Tonight is the first night of dress rehearsal...which isn't really an accurate statement. It's more like a dress run. I plan on kicking as much ass, as a "miserly old father" can.
This are def. going ..in a positive direction.
my health is at a stable position between somewhat painful and god-damn that hurts. I can hear a little more, but my throat is not doing well. I do however have my strength back, and more energy. (no one can tell i'm still hurting, if it doesn't show)
Scapin opens this Thursday, and I'm really excited.
Don't ask, and you shall receive.
Valencia Community College, called me to do a publicity shoot for them. I think that's pretty fucking rad. ( I also find this quite humorous since effective december 18, 2005 I graduated)
Spring break is approaching fast, my softball team has a game tonight that i can't make but i wish them the best of luck. (yes, I'm coahcing a team, and i won't be there...kinda silly, i know)
2005 has been a great year thus far, and it can really only get better.
Tonight is the first night of dress rehearsal...which isn't really an accurate statement. It's more like a dress run. I plan on kicking as much ass, as a "miserly old father" can.
This are def. going ..in a positive direction.
my health is at a stable position between somewhat painful and god-damn that hurts. I can hear a little more, but my throat is not doing well. I do however have my strength back, and more energy. (no one can tell i'm still hurting, if it doesn't show)
Scapin opens this Thursday, and I'm really excited.
Don't ask, and you shall receive.
Valencia Community College, called me to do a publicity shoot for them. I think that's pretty fucking rad. ( I also find this quite humorous since effective december 18, 2005 I graduated)
Spring break is approaching fast, my softball team has a game tonight that i can't make but i wish them the best of luck. (yes, I'm coahcing a team, and i won't be there...kinda silly, i know)
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Try to contain yourself..Lord knows I can't
Still feeling like poop.
I'm trying to find the good in the worst of situations, but even for me it's a bit difficult sometimes.
A smile, hug, or even a smirk would be priceless right now.
"i am the man who will fight for your honor, i'll be the hero that you're dreaming of, gonna live forever... knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love"
( Although this isn't for anyone, it very well could be...one day...maybe...or not.)
Thank You Peter Cetera.
I'm trying to find the good in the worst of situations, but even for me it's a bit difficult sometimes.
A smile, hug, or even a smirk would be priceless right now.
"i am the man who will fight for your honor, i'll be the hero that you're dreaming of, gonna live forever... knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love"
( Although this isn't for anyone, it very well could be...one day...maybe...or not.)
Thank You Peter Cetera.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
...with the twitch of an eye...
I'm lost in the real world.
I'm somewhere between awake and asleep, and its all because of the meds I'm on.
I hate the feeling of not being in control of me, and since I've been sick, that's all I've felt.
So, I got punched in the stomach yesterday, well not literally but the news I got felt like it. it seems since my health condition is a worry, they've found an understudy for me. Thats like finding a replacement girlfriend incase the one you have doesn't work out. I know that it's not because I'm not good enough, It's because my health is important. So, what best for the show , is whats best for me. Even if I don't care for it.
One of my favorite songs ever. It's amazingly beautiful, and I can listen to it over and over again.
Fuel- Sunburn
The sky was dark this morning
Not a bird in the trees
And silence hung suspicious and anxious
Like a blanket covered scream
And you were gone
You were not there for me
And I cursed the sky and begged the sun to
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
All my friends are searching
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you'll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me
And what are they to feel
And who are they to be
And what am I to do with, do with me, but let the sun
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
Until my eyes cry out
'Til my head is free from doubt
'Til my lungs sigh right out
'Til I'm wiser
Smile. I need to see it.
I'm somewhere between awake and asleep, and its all because of the meds I'm on.
I hate the feeling of not being in control of me, and since I've been sick, that's all I've felt.
So, I got punched in the stomach yesterday, well not literally but the news I got felt like it. it seems since my health condition is a worry, they've found an understudy for me. Thats like finding a replacement girlfriend incase the one you have doesn't work out. I know that it's not because I'm not good enough, It's because my health is important. So, what best for the show , is whats best for me. Even if I don't care for it.
One of my favorite songs ever. It's amazingly beautiful, and I can listen to it over and over again.
Fuel- Sunburn
The sky was dark this morning
Not a bird in the trees
And silence hung suspicious and anxious
Like a blanket covered scream
And you were gone
You were not there for me
And I cursed the sky and begged the sun to
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
All my friends are searching
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you'll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me
And what are they to feel
And who are they to be
And what am I to do with, do with me, but let the sun
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
Until my eyes cry out
'Til my head is free from doubt
'Til my lungs sigh right out
'Til I'm wiser
Smile. I need to see it.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Musical Therapy
I've had this song stuck in my head.
Day after Day it's been stuck in my head.
It's the age old story of my past relationships.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
Day after Day it's been stuck in my head.
It's the age old story of my past relationships.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
Thursday, February 10, 2005
...lie down on a couch, and tell me the truth...
I rarely fill these out, but I felt like I needed to. Thanks Josh.
3 Names you go by:
Tj
Todd
Steve Titus.
3 Screen Names you have:
TheAveragehero
Tapdiscman
HarpersFailures
3 Things you like about yourself:
Morals.
Sense of Humor.
Wicked use of Common Sense.
3 Things you dislike about yourself:
Giving too much away. mentally.
Taking on too much.
Falling in and out of "like"
3 Parts of your heritage:
Portuguese.
Some kinda Jewish european.
Black. Hey, i have a big penis, why not say i'm black.
3 Things that scare you:
Trust.
Not waking up.
Drowning.
3 Everyday Essentials:
Shower.
Laughter.
High Fives.
3 Things you're wearing right now:
Plain Black T-Shirt.
Camo Shorts.
Skull Sandals.
3 of your favorite Bands/Artist of all time:
Death Cab for Cutie.
Bruce Springsteen
Third Eye Blind.
3 of your favorite songs at present:
Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica
Scars- Papa Roach
Heart Transplant- Punchline
3 Things that you want to try in the next 12 months:
Being in Love.
Establishing a great name for myself at UCF.
Act in a Full Length Film.
3 Things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Understanding of me.
Tight Things. Its not a perverted answer, let me explain. Tight hugs, holding of hands, and kissing. Sometimes that can make or break it all.
Permanent Love. Not the kinda that shows its ugly head, and leaves when she does.
2 Truths and 1 Lie:
I'm a virgin.
I'm just now learning that a first impression is all we've got.
I don't cry.
3 Physical Things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
Eyes
Lower Back Dimples. Ask if you don't know.
Smile.
3 Things you just can't do:
Lie to my mom.
Give myself fully to someone. not yet atleast.
Play guitar as well as I should.
3 of your favorite hobbies:
Reading Horoscopes.
Playing softball.
Writing Jokes.
3 Careers you're considering:
Acting. Doing it now.
Teaching. I could do it. Really.
Being a Full-time stay at home dad.
3 Places you'd like to go on vacation:
London. Gotta love underground punk.
Australia. Anywhere there.
Paris. I need to see art.
3 Things you want to do before you die:
Father Children.
Be an amazing husband.
Win an Oscar.
3 Ways you're like a stereotypical guy:
I love baseball.
I love saying FUCK.
I workout.
3 ways you're like a stereotypical chick:
I crave romance.
I like random phone calls.
I enjoy recieving flowers, or other minor gifts.
3 Names you go by:
Tj
Todd
Steve Titus.
3 Screen Names you have:
TheAveragehero
Tapdiscman
HarpersFailures
3 Things you like about yourself:
Morals.
Sense of Humor.
Wicked use of Common Sense.
3 Things you dislike about yourself:
Giving too much away. mentally.
Taking on too much.
Falling in and out of "like"
3 Parts of your heritage:
Portuguese.
Some kinda Jewish european.
Black. Hey, i have a big penis, why not say i'm black.
3 Things that scare you:
Trust.
Not waking up.
Drowning.
3 Everyday Essentials:
Shower.
Laughter.
High Fives.
3 Things you're wearing right now:
Plain Black T-Shirt.
Camo Shorts.
Skull Sandals.
3 of your favorite Bands/Artist of all time:
Death Cab for Cutie.
Bruce Springsteen
Third Eye Blind.
3 of your favorite songs at present:
Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica
Scars- Papa Roach
Heart Transplant- Punchline
3 Things that you want to try in the next 12 months:
Being in Love.
Establishing a great name for myself at UCF.
Act in a Full Length Film.
3 Things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Understanding of me.
Tight Things. Its not a perverted answer, let me explain. Tight hugs, holding of hands, and kissing. Sometimes that can make or break it all.
Permanent Love. Not the kinda that shows its ugly head, and leaves when she does.
2 Truths and 1 Lie:
I'm a virgin.
I'm just now learning that a first impression is all we've got.
I don't cry.
3 Physical Things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
Eyes
Lower Back Dimples. Ask if you don't know.
Smile.
3 Things you just can't do:
Lie to my mom.
Give myself fully to someone. not yet atleast.
Play guitar as well as I should.
3 of your favorite hobbies:
Reading Horoscopes.
Playing softball.
Writing Jokes.
3 Careers you're considering:
Acting. Doing it now.
Teaching. I could do it. Really.
Being a Full-time stay at home dad.
3 Places you'd like to go on vacation:
London. Gotta love underground punk.
Australia. Anywhere there.
Paris. I need to see art.
3 Things you want to do before you die:
Father Children.
Be an amazing husband.
Win an Oscar.
3 Ways you're like a stereotypical guy:
I love baseball.
I love saying FUCK.
I workout.
3 ways you're like a stereotypical chick:
I crave romance.
I like random phone calls.
I enjoy recieving flowers, or other minor gifts.
I felt like destroying something beautiful.
I'm a run of quoting fight club.
So here it is.
And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me.
I am Jack's broken heart.
With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You "dance" all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.
Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.
I can't get married - I'm a thirty-year-old boy.
While we're on the subject of quotes ...Lets throw in some Reservoir Dogs.
Okay, first things fuckin' last!
Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin."
If you're talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch!
Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.
The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all.
You're acting like a first year fucking thief! I'm acting like a professional!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
... You're on Candid...
sometimes i wish that i could hold a sign to the world that reads:
"Yes, I am okay, But everything isn't as it seems"
Smile ...It could be worse.
"Yes, I am okay, But everything isn't as it seems"
Smile ...It could be worse.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Friday, February 04, 2005
Whatever happens in Vas Legas ...
Life is busy, and crazy.
Smiles are rare to see and always welcomed.
I've moved on with my own life, in more ways than one.
Class in difficult and amazing.
Scapino is going great, and rehearsals are killing me and I enjoy it. How Lovely.
I've met someone who has captured the ocean, the stars, and a smile. I can't ask for more. The distance to get to her isn't close, but not out of reach. So let the trek begin...
"If I started walking today, would you meet me halfway?"
Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars.
Smiles are rare to see and always welcomed.
I've moved on with my own life, in more ways than one.
Class in difficult and amazing.
Scapino is going great, and rehearsals are killing me and I enjoy it. How Lovely.
I've met someone who has captured the ocean, the stars, and a smile. I can't ask for more. The distance to get to her isn't close, but not out of reach. So let the trek begin...
"If I started walking today, would you meet me halfway?"
Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars.
Earning an Honorable Mention
Scapin Lines.
Vaccai Italian Music.
Personal Monologue.
Blue Skies Music
2 New Songs for Wizard of Oz Auditions.
I hope my mind doesnt fail me now.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
I'm ready for my close up...
Sitting here at work, covered in stage makeup and stalling.
Here's some lyrics from Lola Ray
You ask me what it feels like
I say that I don't know better
Touch me where you want to
I'm a virgin with a problem
Short post. Sorry it's all I got.
Here's some lyrics from Lola Ray
You ask me what it feels like
I say that I don't know better
Touch me where you want to
I'm a virgin with a problem
Short post. Sorry it's all I got.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Drive by Dialogue. Volume II
Here's some reasoning, and an apology.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days, and i'm sorry for it.
“…you are a balance of humility with audacity”
Someone told me that recently, and i was grateful. very, very much so. thank you.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days, and i'm sorry for it.
“…you are a balance of humility with audacity”
Someone told me that recently, and i was grateful. very, very much so. thank you.
I can never be jealous of what never was, but i will be hopeful of would could be.
Life is amazing.
Things are going really well, and I'm truly the happiest i've ever been.
I really hate using cliches so i'll stay away from it, and instead i'll write my own little...
...Todd-isms
Here they are, in no particular order.
Laugh now, but your smile is all i have left of me.
All you have to do is look away, and trust me I'll be your yesterday.
I'm a hero in the dark, lying so that i can't see, that the enemy i fear, fights to grow within me.
Ponder those, i love em, and you should too... just kidding, but not really....ha!
Things are going really well, and I'm truly the happiest i've ever been.
I really hate using cliches so i'll stay away from it, and instead i'll write my own little...
...Todd-isms
Here they are, in no particular order.
Laugh now, but your smile is all i have left of me.
All you have to do is look away, and trust me I'll be your yesterday.
I'm a hero in the dark, lying so that i can't see, that the enemy i fear, fights to grow within me.
Ponder those, i love em, and you should too... just kidding, but not really....ha!
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Soundtrack of ...right now.
This song isn't that great, but it's been stuck in my head.
It's also rather suiting for me right now.
You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am ...
So let me go
There's something about music that just speaks out loud.
It's also rather suiting for me right now.
You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am ...
So let me go
There's something about music that just speaks out loud.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Ever Gaze off at a picture , wondering who really made it?
Ok, So i'm sitting at the office, extremely bored as usual when it hits me.
Insane Point #1
If you stare at everything long enough, its becomes greater than it already was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but if you stare as a picture long enough, you'll notice something that wasn't there before. Or if you long at someone you've met a thousand times before, you'll find something new that you love about em.
I've been guilty of this lately, and I'm in love with the idea.
Try it, I dare ya.
I've been this happy- go-lucky guy lately, and I wonder why i wasn't before. Maybe I was and I was just holding back. Well, no more holding myself back, its on to victory.
"you seemed to stop my breath, with your hand in my hand ... waiting to begin.
Insane Point #1
If you stare at everything long enough, its becomes greater than it already was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but if you stare as a picture long enough, you'll notice something that wasn't there before. Or if you long at someone you've met a thousand times before, you'll find something new that you love about em.
I've been guilty of this lately, and I'm in love with the idea.
Try it, I dare ya.
I've been this happy- go-lucky guy lately, and I wonder why i wasn't before. Maybe I was and I was just holding back. Well, no more holding myself back, its on to victory.
"you seemed to stop my breath, with your hand in my hand ... waiting to begin.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Everythings better on a ritz!
So, as you can tell since I haven't posted in a while that things have been really busy.
Classes are amazing, I'm surround by "my kind of people" and its been a blessing.
This is no joke though, classes are hard..and professors and very knowledgeable so I think this should be an amazing semester. Now on to the good shit...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
... breath...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
...out of breath...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY FUCK!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
I got cast in "The Trickeries of Scapin" at UCF!
I'm Argante the Father figure to Octave and Zerbinette, who's bullying gruff, tough, chauvinistic manly man, but overall a big chicken.
HOW RAD IS THAT ?
...yeah I'm floating on cloud 9 right now.
Classes are amazing, I'm surround by "my kind of people" and its been a blessing.
This is no joke though, classes are hard..and professors and very knowledgeable so I think this should be an amazing semester. Now on to the good shit...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
... breath...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
...out of breath...
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY FUCK!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
I got cast in "The Trickeries of Scapin" at UCF!
I'm Argante the Father figure to Octave and Zerbinette, who's bullying gruff, tough, chauvinistic manly man, but overall a big chicken.
HOW RAD IS THAT ?
...yeah I'm floating on cloud 9 right now.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
You are, and I am Virture.
Still Smiling like a giddy little school girl, so I decided to post a pic of Death Cab for Cutie...
...So things have been pretty rad.
I'm in love with the music of: DCFC, and Mae
My new words of wisdom to myself have been the following...
"I can never be jealous of what never was."
I wrote it as part of a song, but lost motivation after I read it over and over again.
...So things have been pretty rad.
I'm in love with the music of: DCFC, and Mae
My new words of wisdom to myself have been the following...
"I can never be jealous of what never was."
I wrote it as part of a song, but lost motivation after I read it over and over again.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Take the Town, like a Crayola Crayon
I've been unusually Happy lately.
I could step in a pile of red ants, and I'd still smile.
I can't really point exacatly why it is that I'm Happy, but here's some possible reasons:
-Class starts monday...excited (when people ask me what my major is, I can proudly say, "I'm a BFA Acting Major" Ha !)
-Moving out on sunday...super fucking stoaked!
-Go Left, Right is going well...we're just working on blocking and details. Looks Good though. Some real funny moments.
-I'm playing softball again, and I missed it alot. We won 17-2 the other night.
-I'm single. I say that very weary, since that isn't something I'd normally say. I miss being with someone, and holding a hand. But right now i need to put my hands to work and instead of filling space I need to apply myself.
-I have an amazing family. We argue, and bullshit but and the end of the day ...We're Still Family.
-I have an amazing extended family. Well, those that I consider family. I don't want to list all the names, because if I do ...i will forget someone important. I don't want to do that.
I could make a snow angel is the grass, and ruin my clothing...and stil lhave a giant smile on my face. Well, I guess it'd be a grass angel and not a snow angel, but you get the point.
I could get stung by bees and I'd still have a smile...wait, who gets stung by bees? No way, if I was attacked by bees I'd punch everyone of them in the face.
Smile, I always am. Even if I'm hiding it, I still have a smirk showing.
I could step in a pile of red ants, and I'd still smile.
I can't really point exacatly why it is that I'm Happy, but here's some possible reasons:
-Class starts monday...excited (when people ask me what my major is, I can proudly say, "I'm a BFA Acting Major" Ha !)
-Moving out on sunday...super fucking stoaked!
-Go Left, Right is going well...we're just working on blocking and details. Looks Good though. Some real funny moments.
-I'm playing softball again, and I missed it alot. We won 17-2 the other night.
-I'm single. I say that very weary, since that isn't something I'd normally say. I miss being with someone, and holding a hand. But right now i need to put my hands to work and instead of filling space I need to apply myself.
-I have an amazing family. We argue, and bullshit but and the end of the day ...We're Still Family.
-I have an amazing extended family. Well, those that I consider family. I don't want to list all the names, because if I do ...i will forget someone important. I don't want to do that.
I could make a snow angel is the grass, and ruin my clothing...and stil lhave a giant smile on my face. Well, I guess it'd be a grass angel and not a snow angel, but you get the point.
I could get stung by bees and I'd still have a smile...wait, who gets stung by bees? No way, if I was attacked by bees I'd punch everyone of them in the face.
Smile, I always am. Even if I'm hiding it, I still have a smirk showing.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Ground Control to Major Tom...
Ok, so i said things would be different for 2005, and so far they are.
Here's a cliffnotes breakdown of whats happening.
-I'm moving out ...
-Not drinking soda, or sugar filled drinks (life is boring with crystal light tea and water but healthy...er)
-Becoming Bolder
-Realizing that some friends are assholes (so you don't have to be)
Here's some common knowledge things i've realized about me.
-I bite my lipWhen i'm nervous.
-I always look people in the eyes.
-I make jokes to get around a point.
-I make jokes to get a point across.
-I own a shirt that says "I heart strippers," and I would never go into a strip club.
-I wear clothing without labels.
-I never wear a watch.
-I listen to alot of acoustic music
-I miss playing music
-I never sleep enough
-I get testy when others ask common sense questions
-I make others smile, on the grounds of sacrificing me.
-I don't wear rings
-I own 2 crosses, and I dont go to church regularly
-I love adults acting like kids in public...who have kids.
-I strive to be a soccer mom...well, more like a litte league coach.
-I want to be the dad that shows his kid how to ride a bike.
-I act stupid infront of some people so they purposely get the wrong idea about me.
-I look away from someone when attracted to them...Only to look right back seconds later.
-I'm in love with Death Cab for Cutie...and one day I'll find a chick who is too.
-I try to hook people on bands they've never heard of , but I dig.
-I value the statement, Family is Forever
-I like to sit out, and stare at orions belt nightly.
-I want someone older than myself to be interested in me.
-Most of all, I strive to be picked first.
Well, thats a small version..
"Rest Assure, and wait today I'm coming at you with everything"
-song a wrote a long time ago
Here's a cliffnotes breakdown of whats happening.
-I'm moving out ...
-Not drinking soda, or sugar filled drinks (life is boring with crystal light tea and water but healthy...er)
-Becoming Bolder
-Realizing that some friends are assholes (so you don't have to be)
Here's some common knowledge things i've realized about me.
-I bite my lipWhen i'm nervous.
-I always look people in the eyes.
-I make jokes to get around a point.
-I make jokes to get a point across.
-I own a shirt that says "I heart strippers," and I would never go into a strip club.
-I wear clothing without labels.
-I never wear a watch.
-I listen to alot of acoustic music
-I miss playing music
-I never sleep enough
-I get testy when others ask common sense questions
-I make others smile, on the grounds of sacrificing me.
-I don't wear rings
-I own 2 crosses, and I dont go to church regularly
-I love adults acting like kids in public...who have kids.
-I strive to be a soccer mom...well, more like a litte league coach.
-I want to be the dad that shows his kid how to ride a bike.
-I act stupid infront of some people so they purposely get the wrong idea about me.
-I look away from someone when attracted to them...Only to look right back seconds later.
-I'm in love with Death Cab for Cutie...and one day I'll find a chick who is too.
-I try to hook people on bands they've never heard of , but I dig.
-I value the statement, Family is Forever
-I like to sit out, and stare at orions belt nightly.
-I want someone older than myself to be interested in me.
-Most of all, I strive to be picked first.
Well, thats a small version..
"Rest Assure, and wait today I'm coming at you with everything"
-song a wrote a long time ago
Saturday, January 01, 2005
..My heart subsided like a hangover in the middle of June
"...in a world of sham and drudgery and broken dreams, you are virtue" -Sam
Thank You. I needed that.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
The Theme for 2005 is:
Live in the NOW.
Thank You. I needed that.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
The Theme for 2005 is:
Live in the NOW.
As the smoke clears...
Oh yeah, I forgot to wish everyone a happy new year.
So wrapped up in me, that I forgot to welcome in the new year... is this a preview for what's in store? Hope So. (notice the sarcstic tone)
After the smoke had been blown away and all that was left was reality, it seems that it didn't matter. Well, to everyone else, last night was a night of drinking and stupidity and no morals. Why was i cursed with common sense and reason at times of need? Man, Fuck me.
So wrapped up in me, that I forgot to welcome in the new year... is this a preview for what's in store? Hope So. (notice the sarcstic tone)
After the smoke had been blown away and all that was left was reality, it seems that it didn't matter. Well, to everyone else, last night was a night of drinking and stupidity and no morals. Why was i cursed with common sense and reason at times of need? Man, Fuck me.
Drive by Dialogue. Still Driving..nowhere and alone.
I have so many things Iwant to feel right now, and no way to express them.
Before I break down mentally, and cry for the first time in almost 3 years, I have to make myself smile.
MAKE being the key word. I have to literally force myself into it before I lose it.
I allowed myself to be vunerable. Ha, stupid fucking me. Why'd I do that, you ask?
I thought with something other than my cock.
Wow, i actually failed because I'm a gentleman. go figure. guess it's too much to ask nowadays to expect others to want something other then a cheap lay, Man, I make myself cry, I mean laugh...yeah laugh, thats what I meant.
"When a hero is up to his neck in danger, Who will have his back and save him?"
Karma is a bitch.
Thats the only way I can justify this.
Before I break down mentally, and cry for the first time in almost 3 years, I have to make myself smile.
MAKE being the key word. I have to literally force myself into it before I lose it.
I'm Hurt. With a capital H
I allowed myself to be vunerable. Ha, stupid fucking me. Why'd I do that, you ask?
I thought with something other than my cock.
Wow, i actually failed because I'm a gentleman. go figure. guess it's too much to ask nowadays to expect others to want something other then a cheap lay, Man, I make myself cry, I mean laugh...yeah laugh, thats what I meant.
"When a hero is up to his neck in danger, Who will have his back and save him?"
I need to be rescued, not rescuing.
Drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit off bridges with me
"I keep my jealousy close, cause its all mine...."
What an amzing song lyric, its one of those lines i'd wish I had written.
Its 3am, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, and my new year is offically going how I thought it would be.
Rough.
Very Rough.
Like a rough draft on a european history paper of something really interesting like "Mustache style of the German republic"
I want so badly to believe that someone can make me smile. earn my trust, and respect, and love without me sacrificing it all at once.
I want sleep, and I want "her" to wake up next to me.
It's an imaginary "her" but shes mine, and I'm hers, and thats all it needs to be.
It's a shame shes never there.
Drive by Dialogue.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days.
It's because i realized that life is a mess, and although all I need to organization of this clutter, I strive to correct everyone else. Maybe correct is the wrong word, how about... help... assist...advise...hmm I found it! Influence. What I think is my help, has turned out to be nothing but my opinion on what decision he/or she needs to make. When its time for me, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Thats the thing I could never get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Fuck Me.
What an amzing song lyric, its one of those lines i'd wish I had written.
Its 3am, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, and my new year is offically going how I thought it would be.
Rough.
Very Rough.
Like a rough draft on a european history paper of something really interesting like "Mustache style of the German republic"
I want so badly to believe that someone can make me smile. earn my trust, and respect, and love without me sacrificing it all at once.
I want sleep, and I want "her" to wake up next to me.
It's an imaginary "her" but shes mine, and I'm hers, and thats all it needs to be.
It's a shame shes never there.
Drive by Dialogue.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days.
It's because i realized that life is a mess, and although all I need to organization of this clutter, I strive to correct everyone else. Maybe correct is the wrong word, how about... help... assist...advise...hmm I found it! Influence. What I think is my help, has turned out to be nothing but my opinion on what decision he/or she needs to make. When its time for me, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Thats the thing I could never get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Fuck Me.
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