Drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit off bridges with me

"I keep my jealousy close, cause its all mine...."

What an amzing song lyric, its one of those lines i'd wish I had written.

Its 3am, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, and my new year is offically going how I thought it would be.
Rough.
Very Rough.
Like a rough draft on a european history paper of something really interesting like "Mustache style of the German republic"

I want so badly to believe that someone can make me smile. earn my trust, and respect, and love without me sacrificing it all at once.

I want sleep, and I want "her" to wake up next to me.
It's an imaginary "her" but shes mine, and I'm hers, and thats all it needs to be.
It's a shame shes never there.

Drive by Dialogue.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days.

It's because i realized that life is a mess, and although all I need to organization of this clutter, I strive to correct everyone else. Maybe correct is the wrong word, how about... help... assist...advise...hmm I found it! Influence. What I think is my help, has turned out to be nothing but my opinion on what decision he/or she needs to make. When its time for me, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Thats the thing I could never get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Fuck Me.