Before you continue on, please take my writing for what its worth. For me its alot, for others it may not be the same. I don't like using names in my posts, and i will use them in this post when i feel its needed. I'm under the assumption that those concerned can figure it out, if they aren't mentioned.
I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to please others, and with the thoughts that've been running thru my mind... that has ended. I'm tired of sacrificing my hapiness for others just to make things okay. Things were not okay. The past is the past, in relationships. Do Not read into things. A simple hello, is 99.9% of the time, just what it is... a simple hello. The other .1%... its not what you think it is. TRUST ME. On that note, the past is exacatly what it is, it has vanished and I will respect that.
I strive for honesty from others, and it seems that I'm looking for the wrong thing. My expectations for the world is too high, and I will probably never change that. My expectations for myself, however are not going to change. I require alot of myself probably more than anyone I know, and I can thank my father for that. My dad has wasted his entire life doing nothing, having dreams and never pursuing them and always saying, "one day." My dad's day, has sadly but more importantly past him by. I use the phrase "one day," but I've been busting my ass for my dream and not taking a break. Family and friends have taken back seats to my aspirations, and all I can say is Thank You. My family and my real friends have been very understanding and they know that I've not forgotten about them. This is a look back. Change is being made, a whole lot of it...a re-assestment of my life if you'd like to call it that.
I saw a shirt today while at the gym, and i snickered at it. The shirt read "To be honest, I'm a liar." Ponder that one. I'm an actor, but call it whatever you'd like, but the basic point is: I lie for a living. Really.
I'm honest with those I trust, and this may surprise many of you, but its only a few.
I hate using names... but here it goes... (I'm going to regret this)
Josh, I trust you like family...to me you are family. We've had some goodtimes, and you're the brother I didn't have the fortune of growing up with. Thank you Sir, for being a friend. I wish we got a chance to spend more time wreaking havoc, but thats the downfall of hanging out with people in theatre.
Tyler, You are amazing. You're such a strong person in even the worst situations, and even when you had more important things going on, you'd still check up on me. It means alot. Thank you.
Sarah & Jeff, You both have been co-workers and friends, but more importantly you've allowed me to talk and be open. Much Thanks.
Courtney & Dolline, You've both seen different sides of me and to be honest I don't know how truthful i was either one of you. I wasn't truthful to myself, so it was near impossible for me to be with you. I was faithful and loyal as a boyfriend, but as me, Todd... I wasn't being fair. To be honest, you both for certain things about yourself thru me, but I didn't find anything in myself. Thats why I've had such a hard time settling down, and being ok with down time. My passion for theatre, and doing for others has always been important, and it wasn't just an excuse. I'm an actor, and you both were unaware of the sacrifices I am, and willing to go thru to make my dream, ambition, and passion a success.
I use this site to write the things I can't say in person. It seems that some people I know have done the same thing, and I know who they are... I've read things I didn't want to admit,and I've seen things I probably shouldn't have. The thing is though and I believe it was written because I needed to see it. And really, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nicer if people would've just told me that, but I'm a pretty strong person and I can't even allow myself to do that. Which is why the reason I'm writing this. From now on, be upfornt. If you already are, continue to do so. Everyone.
Sorry if this has upset anyone, but if you hurry now there's a sale on kleenex at Publix.
"this is your life, and it's ending one second at a time"
I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to please others, and with the thoughts that've been running thru my mind... that has ended. I'm tired of sacrificing my hapiness for others just to make things okay. Things were not okay. The past is the past, in relationships. Do Not read into things. A simple hello, is 99.9% of the time, just what it is... a simple hello. The other .1%... its not what you think it is. TRUST ME. On that note, the past is exacatly what it is, it has vanished and I will respect that.
I strive for honesty from others, and it seems that I'm looking for the wrong thing. My expectations for the world is too high, and I will probably never change that. My expectations for myself, however are not going to change. I require alot of myself probably more than anyone I know, and I can thank my father for that. My dad has wasted his entire life doing nothing, having dreams and never pursuing them and always saying, "one day." My dad's day, has sadly but more importantly past him by. I use the phrase "one day," but I've been busting my ass for my dream and not taking a break. Family and friends have taken back seats to my aspirations, and all I can say is Thank You. My family and my real friends have been very understanding and they know that I've not forgotten about them. This is a look back. Change is being made, a whole lot of it...a re-assestment of my life if you'd like to call it that.
I saw a shirt today while at the gym, and i snickered at it. The shirt read "To be honest, I'm a liar." Ponder that one. I'm an actor, but call it whatever you'd like, but the basic point is: I lie for a living. Really.
I'm honest with those I trust, and this may surprise many of you, but its only a few.
I hate using names... but here it goes... (I'm going to regret this)
Josh, I trust you like family...to me you are family. We've had some goodtimes, and you're the brother I didn't have the fortune of growing up with. Thank you Sir, for being a friend. I wish we got a chance to spend more time wreaking havoc, but thats the downfall of hanging out with people in theatre.
Tyler, You are amazing. You're such a strong person in even the worst situations, and even when you had more important things going on, you'd still check up on me. It means alot. Thank you.
Sarah & Jeff, You both have been co-workers and friends, but more importantly you've allowed me to talk and be open. Much Thanks.
Courtney & Dolline, You've both seen different sides of me and to be honest I don't know how truthful i was either one of you. I wasn't truthful to myself, so it was near impossible for me to be with you. I was faithful and loyal as a boyfriend, but as me, Todd... I wasn't being fair. To be honest, you both for certain things about yourself thru me, but I didn't find anything in myself. Thats why I've had such a hard time settling down, and being ok with down time. My passion for theatre, and doing for others has always been important, and it wasn't just an excuse. I'm an actor, and you both were unaware of the sacrifices I am, and willing to go thru to make my dream, ambition, and passion a success.
I use this site to write the things I can't say in person. It seems that some people I know have done the same thing, and I know who they are... I've read things I didn't want to admit,and I've seen things I probably shouldn't have. The thing is though and I believe it was written because I needed to see it. And really, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nicer if people would've just told me that, but I'm a pretty strong person and I can't even allow myself to do that. Which is why the reason I'm writing this. From now on, be upfornt. If you already are, continue to do so. Everyone.
Sorry if this has upset anyone, but if you hurry now there's a sale on kleenex at Publix.
"this is your life, and it's ending one second at a time"
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