Draw a straight line and connect both ends...come on, I dare ya.

Sorry for not writing in so long, but I've been busy and ill.

2005 has been a great year thus far, and it can really only get better.

Tonight is the first night of dress rehearsal...which isn't really an accurate statement. It's more like a dress run. I plan on kicking as much ass, as a "miserly old father" can.

This are def. going ..in a positive direction.

my health is at a stable position between somewhat painful and god-damn that hurts. I can hear a little more, but my throat is not doing well. I do however have my strength back, and more energy. (no one can tell i'm still hurting, if it doesn't show)

Scapin opens this Thursday, and I'm really excited.

Don't ask, and you shall receive.
Valencia Community College, called me to do a publicity shoot for them. I think that's pretty fucking rad. ( I also find this quite humorous since effective december 18, 2005 I graduated)

Spring break is approaching fast, my softball team has a game tonight that i can't make but i wish them the best of luck. (yes, I'm coahcing a team, and i won't be there...kinda silly, i know)

Try to contain yourself..Lord knows I can't

Still feeling like poop.

I'm trying to find the good in the worst of situations, but even for me it's a bit difficult sometimes.
A smile, hug, or even a smirk would be priceless right now.


"i am the man who will fight for your honor, i'll be the hero that you're dreaming of, gonna live forever... knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love"
( Although this isn't for anyone, it very well could be...one day...maybe...or not.)

Thank You Peter Cetera.

...with the twitch of an eye...

I'm lost in the real world.

I'm somewhere between awake and asleep, and its all because of the meds I'm on.
I hate the feeling of not being in control of me, and since I've been sick, that's all I've felt.

So, I got punched in the stomach yesterday, well not literally but the news I got felt like it. it seems since my health condition is a worry, they've found an understudy for me. Thats like finding a replacement girlfriend incase the one you have doesn't work out. I know that it's not because I'm not good enough, It's because my health is important. So, what best for the show , is whats best for me. Even if I don't care for it.

One of my favorite songs ever. It's amazingly beautiful, and I can listen to it over and over again.


Fuel- Sunburn
The sky was dark this morning
Not a bird in the trees
And silence hung suspicious and anxious
Like a blanket covered scream
And you were gone
You were not there for me
And I cursed the sky and begged the sun to
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
All my friends are searching
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you'll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me
And what are they to feel
And who are they to be
And what am I to do with, do with me, but let the sun
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down
Until my eyes cry out
'Til my head is free from doubt
'Til my lungs sigh right out
'Til I'm wiser

Smile. I need to see it.

Musical Therapy

I've had this song stuck in my head.
Day after Day it's been stuck in my head.

It's the age old story of my past relationships.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand



I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

...lie down on a couch, and tell me the truth...

I rarely fill these out, but I felt like I needed to. Thanks Josh.

3 Names you go by:

Tj
Todd
Steve Titus.

3 Screen Names you have:

TheAveragehero
Tapdiscman
HarpersFailures

3 Things you like about yourself:

Morals.
Sense of Humor.
Wicked use of Common Sense.

3 Things you dislike about yourself:

Giving too much away. mentally.
Taking on too much.
Falling in and out of "like"

3 Parts of your heritage:

Portuguese.
Some kinda Jewish european.
Black. Hey, i have a big penis, why not say i'm black.

3 Things that scare you:

Trust.
Not waking up.
Drowning.

3 Everyday Essentials:

Shower.
Laughter.
High Fives.

3 Things you're wearing right now:

Plain Black T-Shirt.
Camo Shorts.
Skull Sandals.

3 of your favorite Bands/Artist of all time:

Death Cab for Cutie.
Bruce Springsteen
Third Eye Blind.

3 of your favorite songs at present:

Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica
Scars- Papa Roach
Heart Transplant- Punchline

3 Things that you want to try in the next 12 months:

Being in Love.
Establishing a great name for myself at UCF.
Act in a Full Length Film.

3 Things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Understanding of me.
Tight Things. Its not a perverted answer, let me explain. Tight hugs, holding of hands, and kissing. Sometimes that can make or break it all.
Permanent Love. Not the kinda that shows its ugly head, and leaves when she does.

2 Truths and 1 Lie:

I'm a virgin.

I'm just now learning that a first impression is all we've got.

I don't cry.



3 Physical Things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:

Eyes
Lower Back Dimples. Ask if you don't know.
Smile.

3 Things you just can't do:

Lie to my mom.
Give myself fully to someone. not yet atleast.
Play guitar as well as I should.

3 of your favorite hobbies:

Reading Horoscopes.
Playing softball.
Writing Jokes.

3 Careers you're considering:

Acting. Doing it now.
Teaching. I could do it. Really.
Being a Full-time stay at home dad.

3 Places you'd like to go on vacation:

London. Gotta love underground punk.
Australia. Anywhere there.
Paris. I need to see art.


3 Things you want to do before you die:

Father Children.
Be an amazing husband.
Win an Oscar.

3 Ways you're like a stereotypical guy:

I love baseball.
I love saying FUCK.
I workout.

3 ways you're like a stereotypical chick:

I crave romance.
I like random phone calls.
I enjoy recieving flowers, or other minor gifts.

I felt like destroying something beautiful.

I'm a run of quoting fight club.
So here it is.

And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me.

I am Jack's broken heart.

With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.

A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You "dance" all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.

Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.

I can't get married - I'm a thirty-year-old boy.



While we're on the subject of quotes ...Lets throw in some Reservoir Dogs.

Okay, first things fuckin' last!

Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin."

If you're talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch!

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?

Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all.

You're acting like a first year fucking thief! I'm acting like a professional!

... You're on Candid...

sometimes i wish that i could hold a sign to the world that reads:



"Yes, I am okay, But everything isn't as it seems"

Smile ...It could be worse.

2 people, 1 suitcase, and a weekend of memories.

How's that sign look ?

Whatever happens in Vas Legas ...

Life is busy, and crazy.
Smiles are rare to see and always welcomed.

I've moved on with my own life, in more ways than one.

Class in difficult and amazing.
Scapino is going great, and rehearsals are killing me and I enjoy it. How Lovely.

I've met someone who has captured the ocean, the stars, and a smile. I can't ask for more. The distance to get to her isn't close, but not out of reach. So let the trek begin...

"If I started walking today, would you meet me halfway?"

Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars.

Earning an Honorable Mention

Scapin Lines.
Vaccai Italian Music.
Personal Monologue.
Blue Skies Music
2 New Songs for Wizard of Oz Auditions.

I hope my mind doesnt fail me now.

I'm ready for my close up...

Sitting here at work, covered in stage makeup and stalling.

Here's some lyrics from Lola Ray

You ask me what it feels like
I say that I don't know better
Touch me where you want to
I'm a virgin with a problem

Short post. Sorry it's all I got.

Drive by Dialogue. Volume II

Here's some reasoning, and an apology.

I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days, and i'm sorry for it.


“…you are a balance of humility with audacity”
Someone told me that recently, and i was grateful. very, very much so. thank you.

I can never be jealous of what never was, but i will be hopeful of would could be.

Life is amazing.

Things are going really well, and I'm truly the happiest i've ever been.

I really hate using cliches so i'll stay away from it, and instead i'll write my own little...
...Todd-isms

Here they are, in no particular order.

Laugh now, but your smile is all i have left of me.

All you have to do is look away, and trust me I'll be your yesterday.

I'm a hero in the dark, lying so that i can't see, that the enemy i fear, fights to grow within me.

Ponder those, i love em, and you should too... just kidding, but not really....ha!

Soundtrack of ...right now.

This song isn't that great, but it's been stuck in my head.
It's also rather suiting for me right now.

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am ...
So let me go

There's something about music that just speaks out loud.

Ever Gaze off at a picture , wondering who really made it?

Ok, So i'm sitting at the office, extremely bored as usual when it hits me.

Insane Point #1
If you stare at everything long enough, its becomes greater than it already was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but if you stare as a picture long enough, you'll notice something that wasn't there before. Or if you long at someone you've met a thousand times before, you'll find something new that you love about em.

I've been guilty of this lately, and I'm in love with the idea.
Try it, I dare ya.

I've been this happy- go-lucky guy lately, and I wonder why i wasn't before. Maybe I was and I was just holding back. Well, no more holding myself back, its on to victory.

"you seemed to stop my breath, with your hand in my hand ... waiting to begin.

Everythings better on a ritz!

So, as you can tell since I haven't posted in a while that things have been really busy.

Classes are amazing, I'm surround by "my kind of people" and its been a blessing.

This is no joke though, classes are hard..and professors and very knowledgeable so I think this should be an amazing semester. Now on to the good shit...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

... breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

...out of breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY FUCK!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!


I got cast in "The Trickeries of Scapin" at UCF!

I'm Argante the Father figure to Octave and Zerbinette, who's bullying gruff, tough, chauvinistic manly man, but overall a big chicken.

HOW RAD IS THAT ?

...yeah I'm floating on cloud 9 right now.

You are, and I am Virture.

Still Smiling like a giddy little school girl, so I decided to post a pic of Death Cab for Cutie...



...So things have been pretty rad.

I'm in love with the music of: DCFC, and Mae

My new words of wisdom to myself have been the following...
"I can never be jealous of what never was."
I wrote it as part of a song, but lost motivation after I read it over and over again.

Take the Town, like a Crayola Crayon

I've been unusually Happy lately.



I could step in a pile of red ants, and I'd still smile.

I can't really point exacatly why it is that I'm Happy, but here's some possible reasons:
-Class starts monday...excited (when people ask me what my major is, I can proudly say, "I'm a BFA Acting Major" Ha !)
-Moving out on sunday...super fucking stoaked!
-Go Left, Right is going well...we're just working on blocking and details. Looks Good though. Some real funny moments.
-I'm playing softball again, and I missed it alot. We won 17-2 the other night.
-I'm single. I say that very weary, since that isn't something I'd normally say. I miss being with someone, and holding a hand. But right now i need to put my hands to work and instead of filling space I need to apply myself.
-I have an amazing family. We argue, and bullshit but and the end of the day ...We're Still Family.
-I have an amazing extended family. Well, those that I consider family. I don't want to list all the names, because if I do ...i will forget someone important. I don't want to do that.

I could make a snow angel is the grass, and ruin my clothing...and stil lhave a giant smile on my face. Well, I guess it'd be a grass angel and not a snow angel, but you get the point.

I could get stung by bees and I'd still have a smile...wait, who gets stung by bees? No way, if I was attacked by bees I'd punch everyone of them in the face.


Smile, I always am. Even if I'm hiding it, I still have a smirk showing.

Ground Control to Major Tom...

Ok, so i said things would be different for 2005, and so far they are.

Here's a cliffnotes breakdown of whats happening.
-I'm moving out ...
-Not drinking soda, or sugar filled drinks (life is boring with crystal light tea and water but healthy...er)
-Becoming Bolder
-Realizing that some friends are assholes (so you don't have to be)

Here's some common knowledge things i've realized about me.
-I bite my lipWhen i'm nervous.
-I always look people in the eyes.
-I make jokes to get around a point.
-I make jokes to get a point across.
-I own a shirt that says "I heart strippers," and I would never go into a strip club.
-I wear clothing without labels.
-I never wear a watch.
-I listen to alot of acoustic music
-I miss playing music
-I never sleep enough
-I get testy when others ask common sense questions
-I make others smile, on the grounds of sacrificing me.
-I don't wear rings
-I own 2 crosses, and I dont go to church regularly
-I love adults acting like kids in public...who have kids.
-I strive to be a soccer mom...well, more like a litte league coach.
-I want to be the dad that shows his kid how to ride a bike.
-I act stupid infront of some people so they purposely get the wrong idea about me.
-I look away from someone when attracted to them...Only to look right back seconds later.
-I'm in love with Death Cab for Cutie...and one day I'll find a chick who is too.
-I try to hook people on bands they've never heard of , but I dig.
-I value the statement, Family is Forever
-I like to sit out, and stare at orions belt nightly.
-I want someone older than myself to be interested in me.
-Most of all, I strive to be picked first.

Well, thats a small version..

"Rest Assure, and wait today I'm coming at you with everything"
-song a wrote a long time ago

..My heart subsided like a hangover in the middle of June

"...in a world of sham and drudgery and broken dreams, you are virtue" -Sam

Thank You. I needed that.


Live in the NOW.

Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.

The Theme for 2005 is:
Live in the NOW.