Soundtrack of ...right now.

This song isn't that great, but it's been stuck in my head.
It's also rather suiting for me right now.

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am ...
So let me go

There's something about music that just speaks out loud.

Ever Gaze off at a picture , wondering who really made it?

Ok, So i'm sitting at the office, extremely bored as usual when it hits me.

Insane Point #1
If you stare at everything long enough, its becomes greater than it already was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but if you stare as a picture long enough, you'll notice something that wasn't there before. Or if you long at someone you've met a thousand times before, you'll find something new that you love about em.

I've been guilty of this lately, and I'm in love with the idea.
Try it, I dare ya.

I've been this happy- go-lucky guy lately, and I wonder why i wasn't before. Maybe I was and I was just holding back. Well, no more holding myself back, its on to victory.

"you seemed to stop my breath, with your hand in my hand ... waiting to begin.

Everythings better on a ritz!

So, as you can tell since I haven't posted in a while that things have been really busy.

Classes are amazing, I'm surround by "my kind of people" and its been a blessing.

This is no joke though, classes are hard..and professors and very knowledgeable so I think this should be an amazing semester. Now on to the good shit...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

... breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

...out of breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY FUCK!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!


I got cast in "The Trickeries of Scapin" at UCF!

I'm Argante the Father figure to Octave and Zerbinette, who's bullying gruff, tough, chauvinistic manly man, but overall a big chicken.

HOW RAD IS THAT ?

...yeah I'm floating on cloud 9 right now.

You are, and I am Virture.

Still Smiling like a giddy little school girl, so I decided to post a pic of Death Cab for Cutie...



...So things have been pretty rad.

I'm in love with the music of: DCFC, and Mae

My new words of wisdom to myself have been the following...
"I can never be jealous of what never was."
I wrote it as part of a song, but lost motivation after I read it over and over again.

Take the Town, like a Crayola Crayon

I've been unusually Happy lately.



I could step in a pile of red ants, and I'd still smile.

I can't really point exacatly why it is that I'm Happy, but here's some possible reasons:
-Class starts monday...excited (when people ask me what my major is, I can proudly say, "I'm a BFA Acting Major" Ha !)
-Moving out on sunday...super fucking stoaked!
-Go Left, Right is going well...we're just working on blocking and details. Looks Good though. Some real funny moments.
-I'm playing softball again, and I missed it alot. We won 17-2 the other night.
-I'm single. I say that very weary, since that isn't something I'd normally say. I miss being with someone, and holding a hand. But right now i need to put my hands to work and instead of filling space I need to apply myself.
-I have an amazing family. We argue, and bullshit but and the end of the day ...We're Still Family.
-I have an amazing extended family. Well, those that I consider family. I don't want to list all the names, because if I do ...i will forget someone important. I don't want to do that.

I could make a snow angel is the grass, and ruin my clothing...and stil lhave a giant smile on my face. Well, I guess it'd be a grass angel and not a snow angel, but you get the point.

I could get stung by bees and I'd still have a smile...wait, who gets stung by bees? No way, if I was attacked by bees I'd punch everyone of them in the face.


Smile, I always am. Even if I'm hiding it, I still have a smirk showing.

Ground Control to Major Tom...

Ok, so i said things would be different for 2005, and so far they are.

Here's a cliffnotes breakdown of whats happening.
-I'm moving out ...
-Not drinking soda, or sugar filled drinks (life is boring with crystal light tea and water but healthy...er)
-Becoming Bolder
-Realizing that some friends are assholes (so you don't have to be)

Here's some common knowledge things i've realized about me.
-I bite my lipWhen i'm nervous.
-I always look people in the eyes.
-I make jokes to get around a point.
-I make jokes to get a point across.
-I own a shirt that says "I heart strippers," and I would never go into a strip club.
-I wear clothing without labels.
-I never wear a watch.
-I listen to alot of acoustic music
-I miss playing music
-I never sleep enough
-I get testy when others ask common sense questions
-I make others smile, on the grounds of sacrificing me.
-I don't wear rings
-I own 2 crosses, and I dont go to church regularly
-I love adults acting like kids in public...who have kids.
-I strive to be a soccer mom...well, more like a litte league coach.
-I want to be the dad that shows his kid how to ride a bike.
-I act stupid infront of some people so they purposely get the wrong idea about me.
-I look away from someone when attracted to them...Only to look right back seconds later.
-I'm in love with Death Cab for Cutie...and one day I'll find a chick who is too.
-I try to hook people on bands they've never heard of , but I dig.
-I value the statement, Family is Forever
-I like to sit out, and stare at orions belt nightly.
-I want someone older than myself to be interested in me.
-Most of all, I strive to be picked first.

Well, thats a small version..

"Rest Assure, and wait today I'm coming at you with everything"
-song a wrote a long time ago

..My heart subsided like a hangover in the middle of June

"...in a world of sham and drudgery and broken dreams, you are virtue" -Sam

Thank You. I needed that.


Live in the NOW.

Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.

The Theme for 2005 is:
Live in the NOW.

As the smoke clears...

Oh yeah, I forgot to wish everyone a happy new year.

So wrapped up in me, that I forgot to welcome in the new year... is this a preview for what's in store? Hope So. (notice the sarcstic tone)

After the smoke had been blown away and all that was left was reality, it seems that it didn't matter. Well, to everyone else, last night was a night of drinking and stupidity and no morals. Why was i cursed with common sense and reason at times of need? Man, Fuck me.

Drive by Dialogue. Still Driving..nowhere and alone.

I have so many things Iwant to feel right now, and no way to express them.

Karma is a bitch.

Thats the only way I can justify this.

Before I break down mentally, and cry for the first time in almost 3 years, I have to make myself smile.
MAKE being the key word. I have to literally force myself into it before I lose it.

I'm Hurt. With a capital H

I allowed myself to be vunerable. Ha, stupid fucking me. Why'd I do that, you ask?
I thought with something other than my cock.
Wow, i actually failed because I'm a gentleman. go figure. guess it's too much to ask nowadays to expect others to want something other then a cheap lay, Man, I make myself cry, I mean laugh...yeah laugh, thats what I meant.

"When a hero is up to his neck in danger, Who will have his back and save him?"

I need to be rescued, not rescuing.

Drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit off bridges with me

"I keep my jealousy close, cause its all mine...."

What an amzing song lyric, its one of those lines i'd wish I had written.

Its 3am, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, and my new year is offically going how I thought it would be.
Rough.
Very Rough.
Like a rough draft on a european history paper of something really interesting like "Mustache style of the German republic"

I want so badly to believe that someone can make me smile. earn my trust, and respect, and love without me sacrificing it all at once.

I want sleep, and I want "her" to wake up next to me.
It's an imaginary "her" but shes mine, and I'm hers, and thats all it needs to be.
It's a shame shes never there.

Drive by Dialogue.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days.

It's because i realized that life is a mess, and although all I need to organization of this clutter, I strive to correct everyone else. Maybe correct is the wrong word, how about... help... assist...advise...hmm I found it! Influence. What I think is my help, has turned out to be nothing but my opinion on what decision he/or she needs to make. When its time for me, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Thats the thing I could never get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Fuck Me.

So this is it, its finally time to retire while still in style, so farewell 2004...

... this superhero is hanging up his cape. If you need me, I'll just be plain old Clark Kent.

I've decided for 2005 i might need to put the cape back on for one last spin, for me. I look at things a bit differently and i'm thankful for it. I've spent alot of time surround by what i thought was something else, but just turned out to be bullshit.

I'm only 21, and i make mistakes, but some people have had alot of time to work on this and they're are not doing well for themselves...a bit dissapointing. It's good to know that everyone elses standards don't apply to the individual, i applause that, and at the same time i fear it.

Things to Accomplish in 2005:

-I don't have to meet anyone standards for me, except me. i will however not fall lower that society standards for me, only excede it

-I am a person first and foremost, and an actor second.

-Realize that practice makes perfect, and those around you aren't.

-Realize that fortune favors the bold, but earning something tastes sweeter.

-Know that I am only one person, and the needs of many isn't my concern.

-Find someone who understands what I do, and allow me to love them. Not Like, Not Dig, or even get mushy over a little. Love them. Even if I can't be with her, I want to be able to Love her.


"I thought you were something special, but you're not even a good person" -A quote from a homeless man to me

Go Go Gadget Poetry

"So I'm not worthy?

Without me, you wouldn't know the meaning of the world, and you said you listened, but somehow you were never aware. It took your reality to ruin my dream, another day spent wasted tearing apart for these make believe seams.

Guess I'm not. End of Story. "

Arnold...Jingle all zee Waay!

Xmas is not my time of year, nor has it ever been. My family has never been naive so the whole holiday spirit has never wrung true. It's a shame too but i like it better this way.

It's just another day in this crazy world, except everythings closed.

Everythings closed. My life story. Ha

Glitch in the Matrix

I fucking hate AOL.. I pay for a service that constantly pisses me off, how lucky am I?
I had written a nice long blog, but because I got kicked off before I could save it..i got fucked.

Now on to the real stuff.

Thank ____ <--Insert historical figure

I'm so thankful for friends, especially ones that can relate to the bullshit we all have to go thru. I'm glad i have friends that realize and understand it. Hmm, maybe not understand, but they recognize it exists. If josh is starting to sound a bit like me on his post, then this is my confession to sounding like him.

There's walls around me, but the aren't closing in. WTF? They're are instead falling apart. A bright light appears on the other side and seems to be of interest to me. Wait! Is this something i've always wanted, or feared my entire life ? The only phrase i manage to mutter is "I have a bad feeling about this" but don't all success stories start with something similar. probably fucking not.

There's that section. Now onto something happier.

I had Thai for the first time yesterday for lunch, it was amazing.
Calamari and Basil rice. It was fucking rad. Now if i can find someone with similar interests i'll be set.

Things i can NO longer do
-entertain the opposite sex
-date another fucking vegetarian (nothing against em' just not for me)
-be bold. er..umm... be bolder .
-be a pussy, come on todd, 2005 is asking for you.

My jesus is..."Tyler Durden"

I have to say things like the title of my post just to put a simple smile on my face. i'm complex, frigthened and just plain sad.

I need to cry.
I need a good cry.
I need to just sit and let it out.
Will I though?

Pause - Single imaginary tear runs down my face - Pause

Nope.

Of course I won't why would i allow myself to show emotion. Ha. Emotion...Emotions for the birds, I'm not sap. Oh, how I'd like to be. I'm worse than a middle aged woman after a divorce. Bitter and angry with myself. I've only got a few days until the new year kicks in... and the words "new" and "year" have taken on a new life. Be my witness and I'll be your friend.

Violence and a Sultry tongue

My day today, and all the things i didn't want to accomplish...I did.

Slept pass my alarm, late for work. Check.

Almost hit a driver who wouldn't move for a firetruck. Check.

Hit back on my cd player to hear the same song over and over again. Check.

Skip breakfast as usual. Check.

Broke enough to sell sperm...Yes, but Not a Check.

I've never been able to figure out why someone would do that. With my luck I'd donate, get selected, and 30 years down the road some lady would come up to me claiming to be my child. Not cool. I haven't even given it up, why would i want that..for a few bucks. There's a million other people that are capable of donating, select them first. I feel like i'm talking about joining the army, which my feelings are the same for. I'm a wuss when it comes to that. I will get a blackeye standing up for something I believe in, I will be torn apart, shredded and made a mockery of. But you better damn well believe I'm gonna stand up for it.

There's no prize for dead last... but you did finish

2 finals left.
Anticipation has me glued to the spot.
So close, yet so far away.

I'm days away from having a degree.

Go left right is going well, we're about to go on hiatus until the new year.

1940's is about to wrap up, couple shows left, and no more bald comments...until I get cast in another show that requires it.

Smiling on the inside, but hurting on the outside. Wait. Maybe its the other way, not sure at this moment.

"Nothing Gold can stay"

What a shame.

The Bicycle Thief

See the movie in the title if you haven't. It's an amazing Italian Neo-realism Film.

I have the elite ability to fuck things up.
If I had one power right now that would qualify me as being a real and credible superhero, that'd be the one i'm forced to claim. Fuck Me.
I need a brain melt like in total recall, or in paycheck. I want to remember nothing except when I need. Which is really just how to pee and tie my shoes...If i wore velcro i wouldn't even need that.

Here's a movie quote thats been stuck in my head.

"shame on me for kissing you with my eyes so tight"


That's it, I don't have anything else.

I'm American Gladiator, "Slick"

Ok, so check this out... To make up an absence my professor said that we would have to run around the lake 4 times. Doesn't sound too difficult, but I'm a big boy right, Here's an interesting the fact, each lap is a mile. Holy Poopie Scooper, I did it in 35mins. Yeah, what then . I'm now extremely sore, tired, and smelly. Thats the news, and I'm sticking to it.

Suck it Trebeck !

Here are few of my favs...and a bonus.


...After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear.

This isn't a game! In the real world, when you kill people they die - for real! And in the real world you're fucked!

Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it


*BONUS*
We do not train to be merciful here, mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you in the street he is your enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.