"You're acting like a first year fuckin' thief, I'm acting like a fucking professional"

In this hectic world I'm trying to be cool with these things, 'cause I need to be cool.

I will always have a smile on my face.


In this world, we have the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Which one are you ?

One mans trash, is another mans treasure.

That was my today.

I had the trash, but i didn't recieve any treasure.

Any questions ask away.

I've stopped actually writing real paragraphs and complete thoughts lately... oops.




Tomorrow I'll find out about the severity of the operation, and when i'm going into the hospital.

I love my friends for looking out for me. Thank you, I'd do the same.

..."who'd have thought bad news would be comforting"...

The doctors called.

I have a cyst on my ear drum. I have this identical thing when I was 12. Who'd have thought that 10 years later it'd come back to say hi.


I know whats wrong, but that doesn't make it any easier...

...It's safe to say, I'm scared.

...the story so far..

Before you continue on, please take my writing for what its worth. For me its alot, for others it may not be the same. I don't like using names in my posts, and i will use them in this post when i feel its needed. I'm under the assumption that those concerned can figure it out, if they aren't mentioned.

I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to please others, and with the thoughts that've been running thru my mind... that has ended. I'm tired of sacrificing my hapiness for others just to make things okay. Things were not okay. The past is the past, in relationships. Do Not read into things. A simple hello, is 99.9% of the time, just what it is... a simple hello. The other .1%... its not what you think it is. TRUST ME. On that note, the past is exacatly what it is, it has vanished and I will respect that.

I strive for honesty from others, and it seems that I'm looking for the wrong thing. My expectations for the world is too high, and I will probably never change that. My expectations for myself, however are not going to change. I require alot of myself probably more than anyone I know, and I can thank my father for that. My dad has wasted his entire life doing nothing, having dreams and never pursuing them and always saying, "one day." My dad's day, has sadly but more importantly past him by. I use the phrase "one day," but I've been busting my ass for my dream and not taking a break. Family and friends have taken back seats to my aspirations, and all I can say is Thank You. My family and my real friends have been very understanding and they know that I've not forgotten about them. This is a look back. Change is being made, a whole lot of it...a re-assestment of my life if you'd like to call it that.

I saw a shirt today while at the gym, and i snickered at it. The shirt read "To be honest, I'm a liar." Ponder that one. I'm an actor, but call it whatever you'd like, but the basic point is: I lie for a living. Really.

I'm honest with those I trust, and this may surprise many of you, but its only a few.

I hate using names... but here it goes... (I'm going to regret this)

Josh, I trust you like family...to me you are family. We've had some goodtimes, and you're the brother I didn't have the fortune of growing up with. Thank you Sir, for being a friend. I wish we got a chance to spend more time wreaking havoc, but thats the downfall of hanging out with people in theatre.

Tyler, You are amazing. You're such a strong person in even the worst situations, and even when you had more important things going on, you'd still check up on me. It means alot. Thank you.

Sarah & Jeff, You both have been co-workers and friends, but more importantly you've allowed me to talk and be open. Much Thanks.

Courtney & Dolline, You've both seen different sides of me and to be honest I don't know how truthful i was either one of you. I wasn't truthful to myself, so it was near impossible for me to be with you. I was faithful and loyal as a boyfriend, but as me, Todd... I wasn't being fair. To be honest, you both for certain things about yourself thru me, but I didn't find anything in myself. Thats why I've had such a hard time settling down, and being ok with down time. My passion for theatre, and doing for others has always been important, and it wasn't just an excuse. I'm an actor, and you both were unaware of the sacrifices I am, and willing to go thru to make my dream, ambition, and passion a success.

I use this site to write the things I can't say in person. It seems that some people I know have done the same thing, and I know who they are... I've read things I didn't want to admit,and I've seen things I probably shouldn't have. The thing is though and I believe it was written because I needed to see it. And really, and I'm okay with that. It would have been nicer if people would've just told me that, but I'm a pretty strong person and I can't even allow myself to do that. Which is why the reason I'm writing this. From now on, be upfornt. If you already are, continue to do so. Everyone.

Sorry if this has upset anyone, but if you hurry now there's a sale on kleenex at Publix.

"this is your life, and it's ending one second at a time"

...and from the mist, a prophet appeared...

Honesty from others is always welcomed...


...soon I'll have the courage to type out the world's largest post.


People will be offended, and I may become an asshole to many, but that's a chance I'm going to take.

Stay Tuned, Seriously... This should not be missed.

Sorry. (Just saying it in advance)

If this was a childhood game...

If being in a relationship was like playing kickball as a kid, there's only thing i want...

...To be picked first.

Not for those who are considered to be weak...

I don't know if anyone reads this, or if anyone who needs to read this does...

Take a bite out of this, and tell me how it tastes.

I can never be jealous of what never was, and I am hopeful of what could be.

Damn that phrase to hell... I hate reality and the sacrifices we all go thru to please others.

Dear Santa, This year I'd like a really early present...I just want a girl to play with my Pee - Pee...

... is that alot to ask?

I'm the first to post it!!!!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha

So, i had a great night with some amazing friends, and some new ones I hope to add in the category. I haven't been bowling, since last spring break in Illinios, so its offically been a year and it was great. I think I might have destroyed most of the bowling ball, or perhaps the lines... I didn't know shotput bowling wasn't proper. I did realize that If acting doesn't work out in my favor, then i can always be the guy who makes computer graphics for bowling alleys... or I can become a comic and write offensive jokes that'll upset those who can't handle it.

This evening, I have a meeting to discuss a screenplay i wrote. A friend wants to produce and direct it, and he's got a great reputation, two of his films have been accepted in NYU's Film festival. This should be a productive evening, and keep the giddy smile on face all day... I'm going to be one of the two characters, but if anyone else would like to be considered, let me know. (It's a british comedy, with dry humor...an accent is a must)

After that i'm heading a party, in the same complex. Just met this guy last night, fellow actor, and nice guy... this should be a fun party, especially since I can walk down the road to get trashed.

Hope Everyone is doing well, I'm off to the Gym to workout for a bit.

If you can't smile at this, there's something wrong.

Fucking Brilliant.

Scary Shit, Enough said.

I had my ct scans this morning and lets just say, it was some scary shit. There's something odd about lying down, and hearing every sound that machine produces wondering what the hell it's actually doing.

I'd like to think that I'm a strong guy mentally but when that machine spins around you, you can't help but to feel like you're being broken down. That shit just broke me down, hopefully it isn't a sign of whats to come. I'd like this year to count... hopefully it'll be for good reasons.

Musical Meditation: Fate.

I believe everything you say
Cuz you're not frightened
the way I've been so
So I follow you
Just in case you lose your way
So glad you let me stay around
The chain link fence you climbed
To make forbidden lakes our own
Yours and mine
And with ease of the sea gulls
We cut the engines and cruise high
In the summer sky

Now I could speak to everything
But there's no room for my voice
When sweet feedback is
Jumping through the hoop of your ear
Ring there goes the phone
And then you're off again
On what the caller brings you

So I went and trashed myself at the bar
Confused for nothing
thinking you'd be there
I'm so embarrassed cuz it's you
Who comes to take care of me
Shambling home again with you to lead
And it's not the way I want to go

I'm mad at you and I'm mad at me
Talking endlessly, not a kind word to say
Till your amber beads of wisdom come
And I want to write it down
Just the way you said it
So I could keep it always

I can't forget the smell
Of summer trees at midnight
Bending backwards to please the wind
You touch the tattoo of the sun
On a warm belly that once
carried a baby for a while
Then let that crackled leather jacket round you fold
Red face saints monogrammed in gold
And in this beauty
I would not go any further
Cuz I suddenly remembered
We can't live this way forever

Idle daylight

I've never caught you in a lie
Not until now
I feel somehow
The passing of these days gone by

What will you do when the feeling
That you have is through
I need to know
Cuz I'll never stop hanging on to you
And it's times like this that I dread
When there's everything to say
And nothing left
To be said

And it makes me sad

Sometimes even I don't know what to say.... This is one of those times

Fuck.

Theres a fine line between wants and needs.

Just let things be... whatever has to happen, will happen.
Just for the record, I hate cliches.

Smile.

..Turn the page, and start another chapter...

I did it, I fucking did it.

I did my very first show for UCF.

I can't believe I actually made it happen. my determination for performing has always been strong, but even I have to admit that doubt was in the back of my mind. I'm happy to say that my ambition, and determination has shown even me that hardwork is a bitch, but worth it.

Scapin is offically over, and I miss it.
I miss the rehearsals the most, when we would all laugh at stupid jokes that no one else found funny is still a great time for me.

Thats it for this chapter of my life, Scapin will get filled as another roles accomplished, and brings me another step closer to whats next.


Tonight I'm going to Backbooth, for Crush. Not really sure what it is, but i heard its all indie music, and i was invited by a pretty amazing girl . We'll see what happens...

"...in life, it's already known, or it's finally irrelevant.."

...trying no longer helps, only doing.

I can't even express the vibes i've been recieving from this show... I'm acting like..(to myself)..that this is my first time being onstage because I'm so happy to be performing at as BFA major at UCF. I guess it's because some of the other kids in the program have taken the title for granted,and they haven't had the experience I've gained in the last 3 months. I'm sharing the stage with fellow undergraduate students, and a few graduate students...and the people who have come to see the show, can't tellthe difference. That means i'm holding my own...and I'm so proud. I mean, my friends who are like my family, are behind me 100% and i couldn't be more thankful. Thats probably why I keep a select few people close to me. For myself, all the hardwork that I've put into it, is really starting to payoff. Maybe not starting, but maybe it's paid off, and I haven't realized it til now. Larry and his wife came out to see the show, and they left a great comment on my previous entry. It was great to work with him in "1940's" and even better to see him and his wife have a good time at the theatre. I think its great that we as actors, can also be audience members, and friends, all at the same time. I hope I get another chance to work with him in the future,from what i hear he's a great writer, and with the jokes that we tossed around...I'm sure of it. I think pops and lou need a card game reunion, so if he could write something along those lines, it'd be great.

Your honesty, and friendship means the world to me. Thank you all.

Hardwork = Great Payoff

This review is from Ink19

The Trickeries of Scapin
By Molière
Translated by Tunc Yalman
Directed by Christopher Niess
Starring Lisa Bryant, Aaron Kirkpatrick, Michael Navarro
UCF Conservatory Theater
At the Orlando Rep, Orlando, Fla.

Molière on a trampoline - who would have thought to do that? Certainly not I, but the effect is stunning - no matter what happens in the script, the cast bounces around like Tigger in masks, climbing up and sliding down a theatrical money bar gym set. The plot is hopelessly 17th century - a young man Octave (Kirkpatrick) secretly marries the wrong woman, an over Barbiefied squeaker of a girl Hyacinte (Brittany Berkowitz). His semi best friend Leandre (Donte Bonner) has similar low taste - he's gone for the gypsy chick Zerbinette (Niki Klass). Neither one has told dear old dad, both of whom are business partners. Octave's dad Argante (Todd Davis) is pretty ticked, along with Leander's poppa Gerent (Sam Waters). What to do? Why, appeal to rapscallion servant Scapin (Bryant), that sexually ambiguous master of solving any problem. Along with side kick Sylvester (Navarro), Scapino fleeces each father for a stack of doubloons, repairs the family ties, and reveals that each girl is in fact worthy of marriage. Quite the bastard, that Scapin!

Molière ranks in timelessness with the earlier English Bard, if he falls a few centuries later in time. Perhaps the plot is a hair hackneyed; this clever and energetic production runs the cast up and down the stairs in and out of the lofts of the theater, sometimes attacking each other and often stealing shoes from the paying customers. Scapin is wonderful, alternately boorish and crooked, clever and cloying. While Scapin is low of stature in the community of the wealthy, and ranks high in the eyes of the serving class. His (or her) general "don’t give a damn" attitude and general boldness allows the freedom to do anything. Around Scapin swirls a bouncy and convincing crowd of masked revelers, all representing the stereotypes of pre-revolutionary France. Navarro's Sylvester is the perfect second banana, obedient and fearless, Klass's Zerbinette slathers sex on the stage, and Todd Davis rages impotently as the wronged father - oh, that we could all do that to dear old dad!

Molière skewers the pretense of the day, and enough of the human condition remains unchanged to carry forward to the 21st century. The language is a bit stilted, but not to the point of confusion. What really pulls this production into the new millennia is the adaptation - director Niess puts a clever twist on the staging, and with an abundance of young actors who probably hang out in health clubs instead of bars, this ballistic project flies.

Sometimes getting there, is getting by...and sometimes its more than enough.

I'm not one for writing long drawn out blogs, but this will be one...so be prepared.



Life is amazing.



I wish I saw my family more, I miss mom and my sister, but you know what they say..absence makes the heart grow fonder, and when referring to family I couldn't agree more. I hate that I'm busy, because of theatre. I'm an actor yes, but I'm Todd (a human being) first and foremost. I hate it when people say that when you're an actor, you are an actor. Bullshit.

I realized after a near nervous breakdown last month, a few things. One...I'm scared of being alone in a fast paced world. Two...I want a family of my own more than anything in the world. Three...I am talented, and a hell of a guy...but i'm an not untouchable.

Scapin is going great, I've had a few f-ups but nothing significant enough to ruin a show. I saw Josh and Amber after the show and they were but reassuring faces, in a confusing crowd. They both loved the show, and I'm glad. I realized that some people will be your friends for what you have, don't have, and what you can give them. Josh is my friend because. Thats as best as I can describe it. He's an older brother, a friend, and as he says .."his heterosexual lifemate"

The more I'm thrown into situations I'm unfamilar with, I learn. I'm different now. I'm aware of things.

The ones around me , know me best... Here's what they think:

You are the personification of "saving grace." You take on the world one smile at a time. You have more ambition than I could ever imagine being in one person. Sometimes I think you worry too much about other people and their opinions, and not enough about what's best for you.

You have a quiet confidence. Your original, caring, understanding, honest, personable, animated... and clever.

This has been an odd post, not really sure why that is. I hate writing about myself, but those around me tell me I need to start including me in my life. This is my first attempt at doing so.

I'm ending with a song lyric...

It’s getting late I hesitate to even try now,
but it’s worth it even if I’m tired tomorrow

A holiday for everyday.

Theatre is like Christmas.
"I'm an actor because I'd rather give than recieve"

Sometimes, the best things happen while you're waiting...

Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection. Take a Chance.Be yourself. Make a Connection.

Take a Chance.
Be yourself.
Make a Connection.


What have you got to lose. Ask yourself. I'm tired of not knowing the outcome of things because I dont have the balls to find out. I'm ok with losing, as long as I take the chance. It's taken me a whileto realize this, but I'm glad I did. Victory will be priceless... when all goes well.
I want to have coffee and a movie this weekend... would someone like to join me?

I doubt anyone reads this thing. It's kinda nice to have somewhere to write freely.

When you break the rules...Look for some elmers glue and stop crying.

Here are two of the most important writings I've ever come up with.

The first, is a monologue I wrote about my father. It's a shame I've grown up faster than him.


It'll be 3 years in November since it happened.

Most families enjoy thanksgiving for the food, and the Macy's parade... mine always did. Every year my sister would run around the house shouting absurd commentary about parade floats, and mom and I would cook pretending to be these famous chefs preparing a dinner for royalty.
The day before my father had flown to NY, to be with his new girlfriend. You need to know that my parents had divorced a few weeks before. I wasn't upset for his actions... I was so shocked that I didn't allow for much emotion or reaction.

I had this feeling in my gut ... So I called him. I asked him how he was, and soon dropped the fake voice. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, but I only managed to get out "you're missing out on your job. He'd walk around the house in his underwear and do nothing the entire day, except on thanksgiving, he carved the turkey. I told him, Dad, you're suppose to be home to carve the bird...and before I could get another word out, I heard him laughing. The rest of the conversation was meaningless from then on.

I found myself with a set of knives in my hand carving a turkey. It was then I realized what it took to be a man. It wasn't money, or muscles or anything like that. It was family.

------

One statement will remind me daily of what I'm here for. That statement should be read aloud in an embarrassing way. It is-I believe that reality is a sublime comedy staged for the education and amusement, and that there is a benevolent conspiracy to liberate me from my ignorance and help transform me into the unique masterpiece I was born to be.

-----

I feel like I'm older than I really am, on a regular basis and I can't complain.
I know what I want.
I want a smile, killer eyes, brains, humor, and intrigue.

"I've always fallen fast, with too much trust in the promising" -DCFC