Soundtrack of ...right now.

This song isn't that great, but it's been stuck in my head.
It's also rather suiting for me right now.

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am ...
So let me go

There's something about music that just speaks out loud.

Ever Gaze off at a picture , wondering who really made it?

Ok, So i'm sitting at the office, extremely bored as usual when it hits me.

Insane Point #1
If you stare at everything long enough, its becomes greater than it already was.
I know it sounds cheesy, but if you stare as a picture long enough, you'll notice something that wasn't there before. Or if you long at someone you've met a thousand times before, you'll find something new that you love about em.

I've been guilty of this lately, and I'm in love with the idea.
Try it, I dare ya.

I've been this happy- go-lucky guy lately, and I wonder why i wasn't before. Maybe I was and I was just holding back. Well, no more holding myself back, its on to victory.

"you seemed to stop my breath, with your hand in my hand ... waiting to begin.

Everythings better on a ritz!

So, as you can tell since I haven't posted in a while that things have been really busy.

Classes are amazing, I'm surround by "my kind of people" and its been a blessing.

This is no joke though, classes are hard..and professors and very knowledgeable so I think this should be an amazing semester. Now on to the good shit...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

... breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!

...out of breath...

HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY FUCK!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT!


I got cast in "The Trickeries of Scapin" at UCF!

I'm Argante the Father figure to Octave and Zerbinette, who's bullying gruff, tough, chauvinistic manly man, but overall a big chicken.

HOW RAD IS THAT ?

...yeah I'm floating on cloud 9 right now.

You are, and I am Virture.

Still Smiling like a giddy little school girl, so I decided to post a pic of Death Cab for Cutie...



...So things have been pretty rad.

I'm in love with the music of: DCFC, and Mae

My new words of wisdom to myself have been the following...
"I can never be jealous of what never was."
I wrote it as part of a song, but lost motivation after I read it over and over again.

Take the Town, like a Crayola Crayon

I've been unusually Happy lately.



I could step in a pile of red ants, and I'd still smile.

I can't really point exacatly why it is that I'm Happy, but here's some possible reasons:
-Class starts monday...excited (when people ask me what my major is, I can proudly say, "I'm a BFA Acting Major" Ha !)
-Moving out on sunday...super fucking stoaked!
-Go Left, Right is going well...we're just working on blocking and details. Looks Good though. Some real funny moments.
-I'm playing softball again, and I missed it alot. We won 17-2 the other night.
-I'm single. I say that very weary, since that isn't something I'd normally say. I miss being with someone, and holding a hand. But right now i need to put my hands to work and instead of filling space I need to apply myself.
-I have an amazing family. We argue, and bullshit but and the end of the day ...We're Still Family.
-I have an amazing extended family. Well, those that I consider family. I don't want to list all the names, because if I do ...i will forget someone important. I don't want to do that.

I could make a snow angel is the grass, and ruin my clothing...and stil lhave a giant smile on my face. Well, I guess it'd be a grass angel and not a snow angel, but you get the point.

I could get stung by bees and I'd still have a smile...wait, who gets stung by bees? No way, if I was attacked by bees I'd punch everyone of them in the face.


Smile, I always am. Even if I'm hiding it, I still have a smirk showing.

Ground Control to Major Tom...

Ok, so i said things would be different for 2005, and so far they are.

Here's a cliffnotes breakdown of whats happening.
-I'm moving out ...
-Not drinking soda, or sugar filled drinks (life is boring with crystal light tea and water but healthy...er)
-Becoming Bolder
-Realizing that some friends are assholes (so you don't have to be)

Here's some common knowledge things i've realized about me.
-I bite my lipWhen i'm nervous.
-I always look people in the eyes.
-I make jokes to get around a point.
-I make jokes to get a point across.
-I own a shirt that says "I heart strippers," and I would never go into a strip club.
-I wear clothing without labels.
-I never wear a watch.
-I listen to alot of acoustic music
-I miss playing music
-I never sleep enough
-I get testy when others ask common sense questions
-I make others smile, on the grounds of sacrificing me.
-I don't wear rings
-I own 2 crosses, and I dont go to church regularly
-I love adults acting like kids in public...who have kids.
-I strive to be a soccer mom...well, more like a litte league coach.
-I want to be the dad that shows his kid how to ride a bike.
-I act stupid infront of some people so they purposely get the wrong idea about me.
-I look away from someone when attracted to them...Only to look right back seconds later.
-I'm in love with Death Cab for Cutie...and one day I'll find a chick who is too.
-I try to hook people on bands they've never heard of , but I dig.
-I value the statement, Family is Forever
-I like to sit out, and stare at orions belt nightly.
-I want someone older than myself to be interested in me.
-Most of all, I strive to be picked first.

Well, thats a small version..

"Rest Assure, and wait today I'm coming at you with everything"
-song a wrote a long time ago

..My heart subsided like a hangover in the middle of June

"...in a world of sham and drudgery and broken dreams, you are virtue" -Sam

Thank You. I needed that.


Live in the NOW.

Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.
Live in the NOW.

The Theme for 2005 is:
Live in the NOW.

As the smoke clears...

Oh yeah, I forgot to wish everyone a happy new year.

So wrapped up in me, that I forgot to welcome in the new year... is this a preview for what's in store? Hope So. (notice the sarcstic tone)

After the smoke had been blown away and all that was left was reality, it seems that it didn't matter. Well, to everyone else, last night was a night of drinking and stupidity and no morals. Why was i cursed with common sense and reason at times of need? Man, Fuck me.

Drive by Dialogue. Still Driving..nowhere and alone.

I have so many things Iwant to feel right now, and no way to express them.

Karma is a bitch.

Thats the only way I can justify this.

Before I break down mentally, and cry for the first time in almost 3 years, I have to make myself smile.
MAKE being the key word. I have to literally force myself into it before I lose it.

I'm Hurt. With a capital H

I allowed myself to be vunerable. Ha, stupid fucking me. Why'd I do that, you ask?
I thought with something other than my cock.
Wow, i actually failed because I'm a gentleman. go figure. guess it's too much to ask nowadays to expect others to want something other then a cheap lay, Man, I make myself cry, I mean laugh...yeah laugh, thats what I meant.

"When a hero is up to his neck in danger, Who will have his back and save him?"

I need to be rescued, not rescuing.

Drink down that gin and kerosene, and come spit off bridges with me

"I keep my jealousy close, cause its all mine...."

What an amzing song lyric, its one of those lines i'd wish I had written.

Its 3am, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, and my new year is offically going how I thought it would be.
Rough.
Very Rough.
Like a rough draft on a european history paper of something really interesting like "Mustache style of the German republic"

I want so badly to believe that someone can make me smile. earn my trust, and respect, and love without me sacrificing it all at once.

I want sleep, and I want "her" to wake up next to me.
It's an imaginary "her" but shes mine, and I'm hers, and thats all it needs to be.
It's a shame shes never there.

Drive by Dialogue.
I feel that no matter what i say, its a threat leaving my mouth, and not a compliement. I've grown ever-so defensive the last couple days.

It's because i realized that life is a mess, and although all I need to organization of this clutter, I strive to correct everyone else. Maybe correct is the wrong word, how about... help... assist...advise...hmm I found it! Influence. What I think is my help, has turned out to be nothing but my opinion on what decision he/or she needs to make. When its time for me, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Thats the thing I could never get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Fuck Me.