So this is it, its finally time to retire while still in style, so farewell 2004...

... this superhero is hanging up his cape. If you need me, I'll just be plain old Clark Kent.

I've decided for 2005 i might need to put the cape back on for one last spin, for me. I look at things a bit differently and i'm thankful for it. I've spent alot of time surround by what i thought was something else, but just turned out to be bullshit.

I'm only 21, and i make mistakes, but some people have had alot of time to work on this and they're are not doing well for themselves...a bit dissapointing. It's good to know that everyone elses standards don't apply to the individual, i applause that, and at the same time i fear it.

Things to Accomplish in 2005:

-I don't have to meet anyone standards for me, except me. i will however not fall lower that society standards for me, only excede it

-I am a person first and foremost, and an actor second.

-Realize that practice makes perfect, and those around you aren't.

-Realize that fortune favors the bold, but earning something tastes sweeter.

-Know that I am only one person, and the needs of many isn't my concern.

-Find someone who understands what I do, and allow me to love them. Not Like, Not Dig, or even get mushy over a little. Love them. Even if I can't be with her, I want to be able to Love her.


"I thought you were something special, but you're not even a good person" -A quote from a homeless man to me

Go Go Gadget Poetry

"So I'm not worthy?

Without me, you wouldn't know the meaning of the world, and you said you listened, but somehow you were never aware. It took your reality to ruin my dream, another day spent wasted tearing apart for these make believe seams.

Guess I'm not. End of Story. "

Arnold...Jingle all zee Waay!

Xmas is not my time of year, nor has it ever been. My family has never been naive so the whole holiday spirit has never wrung true. It's a shame too but i like it better this way.

It's just another day in this crazy world, except everythings closed.

Everythings closed. My life story. Ha

Glitch in the Matrix

I fucking hate AOL.. I pay for a service that constantly pisses me off, how lucky am I?
I had written a nice long blog, but because I got kicked off before I could save it..i got fucked.

Now on to the real stuff.

Thank ____ <--Insert historical figure

I'm so thankful for friends, especially ones that can relate to the bullshit we all have to go thru. I'm glad i have friends that realize and understand it. Hmm, maybe not understand, but they recognize it exists. If josh is starting to sound a bit like me on his post, then this is my confession to sounding like him.

There's walls around me, but the aren't closing in. WTF? They're are instead falling apart. A bright light appears on the other side and seems to be of interest to me. Wait! Is this something i've always wanted, or feared my entire life ? The only phrase i manage to mutter is "I have a bad feeling about this" but don't all success stories start with something similar. probably fucking not.

There's that section. Now onto something happier.

I had Thai for the first time yesterday for lunch, it was amazing.
Calamari and Basil rice. It was fucking rad. Now if i can find someone with similar interests i'll be set.

Things i can NO longer do
-entertain the opposite sex
-date another fucking vegetarian (nothing against em' just not for me)
-be bold. er..umm... be bolder .
-be a pussy, come on todd, 2005 is asking for you.

My jesus is..."Tyler Durden"

I have to say things like the title of my post just to put a simple smile on my face. i'm complex, frigthened and just plain sad.

I need to cry.
I need a good cry.
I need to just sit and let it out.
Will I though?

Pause - Single imaginary tear runs down my face - Pause

Nope.

Of course I won't why would i allow myself to show emotion. Ha. Emotion...Emotions for the birds, I'm not sap. Oh, how I'd like to be. I'm worse than a middle aged woman after a divorce. Bitter and angry with myself. I've only got a few days until the new year kicks in... and the words "new" and "year" have taken on a new life. Be my witness and I'll be your friend.

Violence and a Sultry tongue

My day today, and all the things i didn't want to accomplish...I did.

Slept pass my alarm, late for work. Check.

Almost hit a driver who wouldn't move for a firetruck. Check.

Hit back on my cd player to hear the same song over and over again. Check.

Skip breakfast as usual. Check.

Broke enough to sell sperm...Yes, but Not a Check.

I've never been able to figure out why someone would do that. With my luck I'd donate, get selected, and 30 years down the road some lady would come up to me claiming to be my child. Not cool. I haven't even given it up, why would i want that..for a few bucks. There's a million other people that are capable of donating, select them first. I feel like i'm talking about joining the army, which my feelings are the same for. I'm a wuss when it comes to that. I will get a blackeye standing up for something I believe in, I will be torn apart, shredded and made a mockery of. But you better damn well believe I'm gonna stand up for it.

There's no prize for dead last... but you did finish

2 finals left.
Anticipation has me glued to the spot.
So close, yet so far away.

I'm days away from having a degree.

Go left right is going well, we're about to go on hiatus until the new year.

1940's is about to wrap up, couple shows left, and no more bald comments...until I get cast in another show that requires it.

Smiling on the inside, but hurting on the outside. Wait. Maybe its the other way, not sure at this moment.

"Nothing Gold can stay"

What a shame.

The Bicycle Thief

See the movie in the title if you haven't. It's an amazing Italian Neo-realism Film.

I have the elite ability to fuck things up.
If I had one power right now that would qualify me as being a real and credible superhero, that'd be the one i'm forced to claim. Fuck Me.
I need a brain melt like in total recall, or in paycheck. I want to remember nothing except when I need. Which is really just how to pee and tie my shoes...If i wore velcro i wouldn't even need that.

Here's a movie quote thats been stuck in my head.

"shame on me for kissing you with my eyes so tight"


That's it, I don't have anything else.

I'm American Gladiator, "Slick"

Ok, so check this out... To make up an absence my professor said that we would have to run around the lake 4 times. Doesn't sound too difficult, but I'm a big boy right, Here's an interesting the fact, each lap is a mile. Holy Poopie Scooper, I did it in 35mins. Yeah, what then . I'm now extremely sore, tired, and smelly. Thats the news, and I'm sticking to it.

Suck it Trebeck !

Here are few of my favs...and a bonus.


...After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear.

This isn't a game! In the real world, when you kill people they die - for real! And in the real world you're fucked!

Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it


*BONUS*
We do not train to be merciful here, mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you in the street he is your enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.

In the words of Emeril...

...Let's kick it up a notch!


No shooting friends, Joseph!

I'll blow this place up and be home in time for corn flakes!

Do you want this jacket? I don't need it. I'm cloaked in failure!


Be good kids.

Ouch, that leather glove hurt.

I challenged, and it got returned.
Awesome.

I'm now waiting for my dose.
Let's see if its what the doctor order.

All hands on Deck!

I'm off to class...this f-ing blows. It's the class day of this particular class. about time.

Here's a quote that sums up going to class...

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in... Godfather III

You want a piece of me too? Ha, I fart on you !

I'm a one man army, let's see what you got !


Name any of these... (all are from different films)


Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?


Nothing gold can stay.


I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing.


What's this man doing here? ... Bleeding, sir.


Oh, It's on.

I challenge you to a Duel

The war is started my friend...


Random Movie Quote 471

You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

Name it.


..Lets see what ya got!

Agent 18..Will you accept your mission?

Well, it seems I already have.

Agenda

-Go Left Right

-Finals

-Random BS

Go left right...The reading at Seth's the other night went well, we have a Zach but he wasn't able to show. The three of us, Tyler Seth and I read thru it and made some notes and it went well. There are a few slow parts written in the piece but Tyler and I were able to pick up the comedic timing on our lines which still need work. Our "sex" scenes need to be adlib'd better, right now it sounds scripted. Hell, it was only our first read thru. I use the word sex loosely since she basically mauls me in my flour and oregano scented shirt (I'm a pizza guy) Overall it went well, nothing odd unusual or scary...just not thrilled with the script but like josh did in the past, "look for the tiny flame of hope"...Well, i found the hope, lets see if it grows or gets put out. I think it'll be brighter soon.

Finals... Man, finals blow...enough said. Gotta be a cartoon character (shaggy) for one class, and russian ( mafia drunk) for another. Which means I only have a few days to smoke and drink as much as i can...ha ha ha. kidding.

Random BS... I'm addicted to lots of things in this crazy world, but one is religious. horoscopes. yes, i said it, thats my religion. Heres what mine said the other day, and its awesome. "Centuries of travel have suggested that we do not know where to turn, and that our journey has just begun. I hope that the perfection descrpition of your current state, it may not be obvious yet, but loosing your direction is the best gift you could have possibly been given. Being unsure of your next move is a crucial development in your life story, and a virutal guarantee that you'll be in the right place at the right time for a divine intervention a few weeks from now."

Thats F-ing Rad. Ha

Random Movie Quote 1,392

"You're no general. You're not even a good painter. "

Name it Josh, I dare ya.

Take a bite out of...Rhyme

Dig my quiz, you whiz..or i'll smack you, fo shiz !

Firsts
First best friend - Matthew Ross (in california)
First car - Ford Festiva
First real kiss - Megan Moran (first real)
First self purchased cd - Third Eye Blind
First pets - Holly (german shepard)
First musician you remember hearing around the house - Bruce Springsteen
Lasts
Last cigarette - sometime during rocky
Last car ride - this morning to work
Last kiss - couple days ago
Last cry - I was watching a movie...Jerry Maguire(laugh now, but its sad)
Last movie seen in the theater - The Dodgeball
Last beverage drank - Black Cherry/Lime powerade
Last food consumed - doughnut
Last crush - Last crush
Last phone call - Doctors, this morning
Last shower - This morning
Last shoes worn - Black etnies
Last item bought - mornin powerade and a doughnut
Last annoyance - any one of half a hundred things
Last shirt worn - speaker city shirt, from "Old School"
Last website visited - Joshs Blog
Last words you said - I have no problem in help hanging. (reffering to garland around the office)
Last song you sang - Metallica - Fuel
What color socks are you wearing? - Black dress socks
What time did you wake up today? - 7:49 am
Future
Where do you want to go? To bed
Where do you want to live? Hollywood Hills
How many kids do you want? 1 or 2
What kind of car? Motorcycle
Current
Current mood - not thrilled
Current music - none
Current taste - boredom
Current clothes - black dress shirt and pants with a white tie
Current hate - regret

you make that expression, and everything else is night.

I'm an asshole. Yes thats right, i've admitted to it.
So, I'm also a really really good actor. If you don't believe me, just ask anyone of my ex's...I'm sure they're all behind me one this one.

I've gained yet another reason to maintain my virginity...It's all about me...fucking deal with it (that seems to be the only thought running in my head)

When I get to the the gates of, wherever I end up...God (In my mind he's Chistopher Walken ) , or the Devil, is going to ask me one thing.

"Was it worth it kid?"
I want to be able to respnd with "Damn right. "

So...

At this point in my life...IT IS ABOUT ME
I'm not selfish I'm concerned with me right now..DO NOT CONFUSE IT

I'm an asshole.

Reality vs Apperance..why does that ring true ?

What an amazing day i've had.

Here's the deal.
I've said a whole 12 words today, all of which made sense to me, and somehow nothing to anyone else. Its amazing how some people think they're educated and when they speak lose all credibility. We had a discussion today in class about religion, one of my favorite fucking topics. hence the sarcasm. Is it really that hard to differenciate between opinion and fact? I chose to believe what i want, but when you force your belief upon me, you've crossed the line pal, and i fucking hate that. I didnt bite my toungue today though, i just didn't really have anything to say. I'm tired of trying to validate myself, the things i do or say, so instead i've learned to keep my mouth shut. yes, you heard that right folks I've learned to take one for the team. Ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, where you feel like shit? I had it today, for an hour and twenty minutes in class and it almost become unbarable. its bad enough i'm probably overreacting about some things, but when others in class reinforce that idea (feeling in stomach) it only makes things worse.

Really fucking Swell !

Thats how things are.

1940's is rad. I'm glad i'm not the weakest link. really. i can't put into words how thrilled i am not to drag others down. now, in the words of jack black.."let's rock, let's rock"